


Going the Distance

by draftpirate



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Humanstuck, Long Distance Relationship, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-07
Updated: 2013-05-03
Packaged: 2017-11-18 04:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 37,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/557123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draftpirate/pseuds/draftpirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan just wanted something to keep his mind off of Feferi and her new boyfriend, but when he stumbles across Aradia's online dating profile not realizing who it was, he gets more than he bargains for. Unfortunately, he knows that if Aradia ever found out that the man she'd been chatting with online was Eridan, it'd be the end of the line for their budding relationship.</p><p>He'd like to also get his pathetic older brother off his couch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Your name is Aradia Megido, and you’ve been accepted to participate in an all expenses paid, seven-month long archaeological dig in the southern regions of France for the upcoming summer and fall semester, thanks to an insane five-thousand word essay on the topic written by yourself and your overall enthusiasm for digging holes and getting ridiculously filthy.

You’d received the letter in the mail this morning, and to be honest, it wasn’t like you _weren’t_ going to be one of the ten chosen students. There’s not a single person in your major who’s more passionate about the field of archaeology than you are, so it was a given.

This still doesn’t change the fact that you’ve been running on a natural high the whole day, and you can barely contain your excitement as you tell your boyfriend of four years the great news over coffee at the local shop on campus while trying to sort out the bills to your shared apartment.

He doesn’t seem all that amused.

“Nine months, all expenses paid!” you repeat for what has to be the eighth time in the last two hours. Sollux just nods in acknowledgement as he shuffles through some papers. “I just can’t believe it. It’s like a dream come true!”

“Yeah. So are you gonna hand me the electric bill anytime soon or should I just reach over and grab it.”

You take a second to breathe and pass him the bill you’d been waving around in the midst of your excitement, completely forgetting what you were even doing. “What do you think we’d even find in France? I’ve never really given it much thought for digs, to be honest.”

“I dunno. Fossilized French stuff, I guess.”

You frown. “Am I talking too much?”

“No, it’s fine. I’m really happy for you, AA.”

“Well you don’t _seem_ to be very happy for me,” you point out. “All you’ve done since we ordered our drinks is sort of blow me off. I know you’re already moody to begin with but if I’m doing something that’s bothering you specifically, just tell me!”

He shakes his head. “It’s just the fucking music in here; this indie bullshit,” he grumbles and gives a non-committal wave at the speakers in the ceiling. You giggle at the prominence of his lisp.

“You sure that’s all?”

“Well, I mean I’m not exactly ecstatic about you leaving for so long, so there’s that.”

You reach across the table and envelope his letter-full hand in yours, making him drop the bill and meet your gaze. You give him a squeeze and a reassuring smile, something to let him know you understand. “It’s not permanent, babe. Watch, six months will fly by in no time! You’ll probably even wish you had the apartment to yourself for longer.”

He shrugs. “what about us, AA?”

“We’ve been together for _four years,_ Sollux. I don’t see how doing this long distance for just a little while would be a problem. There’s texting, email, Skype...” You pause and smirk. “Seriously, it’s perfect. I mean, you’re always glued to your computer, anyways.”

He pulls his hand from your grasp and turns to his focus back onto the bills for most part. “I don’t know. I don’t really think I can deal with a long distance relationship.”

You furrow your brows and rest your chin in the palm of your hand, leaning forward. “So... what does that mean, exactly?”

“Look, ever since you signed up for that stupid thing last month, I’ve been thinking about you and me a lot, and...” He sighs, takes his glasses off and digs the heels of his palms into his eyes. He’s stressed. “If you’re really gonna go through with this, then maybe we should just... I dunno. Call it quits.”

You don’t even attempt to hide your shocked expression as you openly gape at him from across the table. It almost sounds as if the music and the chatter around you has dialed down considerably, but you’re pretty sure that nobody is actually paying the two of you any attention.

“Call it _quits?”_ you repeat a little too loud. He flinches but doesn’t look at you. “We’ve been together since we were fourteen years old, have been through _so_ much, and you’re seriously okay with just throwing all of this away because I have a chance to go and do something _amazing?”_

“No, that’s not why!”

“Then please, enlighten me, Sollux!”

He huffs and gives you this look as if you’ve betrayed him. You don’t think you’re deserving of that at all. “It’s just, this is our first year in college and I really don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be apart for that long. We already have to deal with the distance between us from our conflicting schedules.”

“I thought we were doing just fine?”

“And not only that,” he continues, “but you know, if this is how it’s always gonna be after we graduate—you leaving constantly to go dig holes in _where-the-fuck-ever—”_

“Well of course it’s going to be like that at least a good deal of the time; I’m going to be an archaeologist!” you cut him off. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t come with me. I was hoping you actually would!”

“That’s the thing though, AA!” He slams a hand down on the table in frustration. People are officially starting to notice the argument between the two of you, but you pay them no mind. “I’m just not into all this stuff like you are—okay, I like staying at home and coding from the comfort of my living room, not some desert or jungle or whatever depending on the county of the week I’m going to be stuck in because my girlfriend dragged me there!”

You shake your head in disbelief. “I cannot _believe_ how selfish you are being right now, Sollux. Sorry for thinking you’d actually enjoy a bit of adventure, but I never said you _had_ to come with me. You can stay at home if you want; I don’t care!”

“You’re completely missing the point!”

“No, I get it. Whatever,” You stand up and shove your chair back. Everyone in the coffee shop has their eyes on you. “If you wanted to break up with me so bad then you could have just told me instead of blaming it on what I want to do with my life.”

He gets up and reaches for you arm to stop you but jerk it away. “I don’t want to break up, AA! I just don’t think it’d be a healthy relationship if you’re gone all the time!”

“Well, sorry for wasting your time then,” you spit venomously and storm towards the door. You just want to get out of there before Sollux gets the stupid idea to run after you so he could try and talk more ‘sense’ into his logic.

Hopefully you can get to your apartment and pack your bags before he gets home. You’re pretty sure you can stay a few nights with Tavros and his sort of insane girlfriend, Vriska, until it’s time for you to leave for France. You could also go and stay at your older sister’s place, but you’d really rather just not.

You’re almost out the door when it bounces off of something and loud ‘fuck!’ rings out. Alarmed, you pull yourself out of your thoughts and look down at the man on the ground at your feet, clutching his nose as blood dribbles down his chin.

“Oh my God—I’m so sorry!” you apologize frantically. “Are you alright?” You lean down and try to offer him a hand but he just bats it away irritably.

“Don’t you fuckin’ touch me,” he seethes and gets up on his own, one hand still nursing his bloody nose. “You think you could watch where you’re fuckin’ goin’, perhaps?”

As soon as you hear that ridiculous pompous-sounding voice laced with a barely noticeable Irish accent, it dawns on you just who you’ve managed to maim; resident stuck-up rich boy and Dualscar Industries heir, Eridan Ampora.

 _Shit—_ now you’d never hear the end of it.

“Well? I asked you a question!”

You’ve never really had a problem with Eridan, personally. The only contact the two of you ever had was through get-togethers and online MMORPGs with mutual friends, and to say that you were acquaintances would be an overstatement. He’s always had this unreasonable contempt for you and everyone else who was apparently ‘beneath him,’ and he never failed to remind you that you were nothing more than a waste of space to him at any given chance he had if he wasn’t just straight up ignoring your presence altogether.

Sure he ruffles your feathers, but you don’t let him get to you for the most part. After all, if you had such a horrible sense of fashion and were in love with someone who couldn’t see you as anything more than a friend you suppose you’d be a little rough around the edges, too.

The fact that he’s always been a little crazy with his irrational socio-political ideas doesn’t help either, but Eridan is anything but an actual threat. Everyone you know, yourself included, regards him as a total basket case who’s in severe need of a reality check. It’s a wonder how Feferi manages to put up with having him for a best friend. You make a mental note to ask her one of these days.

“I honestly didn’t mean to hurt you, Eridan,” you tell him tiredly. “I’m just a little stressed out, and... look, is there anything I could do to make it up to you?”

“What could _you_ possibly do for _me_?” he sneers, turning up his nose and pressing his clothed wrist to it in an attempt to stop the bleeding. It’s honestly not that bad, but knowing how dramatic this guy is, you’re pretty sure he’s going to claim you broke his whole face or something. “Lowlife fuckin' scum, tryin' a wreck my reputation by breakin’ my goddamn face.” See?

You roll your eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Where the hell are you even runnin’ off to in such a hurry that you gotta be slammin’ doors into peoples’ noses. Not like you could possibly have anythin’ important to do.”

You don’t even entertain him with an explanation and start off for home in the opposite direction.

“Hey! I’m talkin’ to you!” Eridan calls out from behind. You can hear his footsteps getting louder until there’s a hand on your shoulder, forcing you to turn around. “Who do you think you are, walkin’ away from me like that when I’m speakin’?”

You’re starting to get really fed up with him. “First of all, don’t touch me. Second of all, I don’t have to answer to you!” You point a finger in his face as you talk, but he just swats it away.

“Were you raised in a fuckin’ barn, stickin’ your disgustin’ hands in my face an’ shit. It’s already bad enough I gotta go home an’ change so I’ll be late meetin’ up with Fef, but now you wanna disrespect me, too?”

“Seriously Eridan, I’m really not in the mood for this today, okay? I think I just broke up with Sollux, and I just want to go home. I didn’t mean to hit you with the door, so can we just drop all this nonsense?”

He folds his arms across his chest and looks you up and down. You’ve never really noticed how tall Eridan is until now, and it’s kind of unnerving to have this douchebag towering over you. He’s not even that tall; it’s his stupid fucking hair and the way he has it styled that just gives him that edge.

“Great, so now there’s two single fuckup miscreants ready to muddy up the sea a’ potential instead a’ just bein’ pathetic together. Such great news to hear after gettin’ slammed in the goddamn face with a door.”

Just like that, your resolve for putting up with him crumbles and you can’t help but slap him across the face so hard that his glasses fall off.

 _Wow,_ that felt good.

With a ringed-hand pressed to his stinging cheek, blood beginning to dry on his clothes and chin and his glasses lying on the ground next to the brick wall of the building, he’s a sorry sight and you have to use all of your willpower not to laugh in his face.

“What the hell, Ar!”

“You’re a fucking asshole, Eridan,” you tell him and then continue on your journey home. There are no footsteps following behind you this time and you’re pleased to see he’s still standing in the same spot looking stunned, even as you turn the corner.

You pull out your phone and send a text to Tavros asking if he’d mind you crashing at his place for a couple of nights. He’s quick to message you back, letting you know that you’re more than welcome to come over, and that maybe the two of you could even play some World of Warcraft since it’d been a while. You tell him you’d like that, that maybe you could get Terezi and a few others to join in too, and that Team Charge will wreck some serious shit at questing. He responds with a couple of weird smiley faces with horns.

You don’t mention it, but you silently hope that Sollux and Eridan won’t catch wind of the plans and join in, because right now you just want to have some fun with your friends like old times.


	2. Chapter 2

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you believe that you’ve been dealt a cruel hand in life.

Then again, you’re a bit overdramatic.

Most people who’ve had the displeasure of meeting you know you as ‘that douchebag with the purple streak in his hair,’ but you’re also the heir apparent to Dualscar Industries, a semi-international manufacturing corporation known for building military-grade ships, vessels and related on board equipment, thank you very much.

Because of this, your father has insisted that you take on more responsibilities in the company—namely all of _his—_ while he left for a three-month vacation to Scotland and Wales. While you’re not too keen on having to wait for a chance to breath in-between answering important phone calls and urgent emails from corporate, it’s helped to at least keep your mind off of certain things, so there’s that.

One a normal day when your father’s not taking time off, you act as a regional representative for the Southwestern coast of the United States, taking frequent trips to meet up with military officials interested in purchasing or renting ships wholesale for their fleets. You couldn’t count on ten hands how many times you’ve visited and left US naval bases with freshly signed contracts, stamped and ready to be filed, and you’re barely pushing twenty.

Your father has expressed on many occasions that you’d be the one to take over the company when it’s time, but if running this behemoth of a business is anything like it is now with him temporarily out of the picture for just a few months then you’re not so sure you’d be up for that. You quite enjoy the leisurely position you already have, simply getting to travel and meet with amazing leaders once in awhile. You’ll probably make this issue known to your father as soon as he gets back to town.

Academically you double-major in military history and anthropology at the local university, one which many of your childhood friends and acquaintances attend. However, unlike them, you do not need to worry about mounting college debt because your own education has already been pre-paid in full. Your friends say that you’re lucky. You say that you’ve earned it.

In your free time you enjoy going to local indie shows, hanging out with your best friend Feferi, and spending a couple hours here and there questing on World of Warcaft when your guild doesn’t fail to invite you on a game night. They can be real assholes sometimes—especially Vriska.

 _Fuck_ Vriska.

Currently, you’re sitting at the computer in your home office, attempting to compose an email to your father regarding weekly updates with the business, but it’s hard to think when your brother’s shitty music is blaring throughout the whole house. Some days it’s old rock n’ roll from the sixties, other days it’s beeps and bloops, and occasionally there might be some Top 10 thrown in there when he’s feeling rambunctious.

You hate it all.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Cro! Would you please do the world a favor an’ throw your fuckin’ stereo out the window?” you shout at the wall, banging on it for emphasis. He doesn’t turn it down. “I can’t think with that shit!”

He pops his head through the doorway with a smirk, unlit cigarette dangling from his lips and jet black hair messily combed back. “You need to loosen up, chief. Have some fun and relax a little!”

“If this is your idea of relaxin’ then no wonder Dad never gave you a chance to be part a’ his company,” you tell him. “What’s with the fuckin’ dubstep music, anyways?” Aren’t you supposed to be a greaser or whatever?”

He ignores the first remark and joins you fully in the room, falling back into the loveseat against the wall behind you. You swivel in your desk chair to face him. “No true artist restricts themselves to just one music genre, Eridan. You’d understand if you were as passionate about music as I am.”

“You need to get your ears checked.”

He chuckles.

Most people your age would be thrilled to have their own two-story waterfront home with no worries when it came to a mortgage even if it meant they had to share it with a wild pack of wolves, but Cronus is much more worse to deal with. Living with your older brother of twenty-two has proven to be less pleasant than you could have ever imagined.

Under no circumstances were you required to give him a place to stay, especially since he was doing just fine with his own apartment and a job ever since he moved out of your father’s home at sixteen. But as time passed he grew more and more desperate (or lonely, depending on who you ask) for attention and companionship, eventually landing himself on your doorstep with pleas of, “You’re supposed to be my brother, Eridan! Who else can I go to if I can’t even come to you?” So it was out of the goodness of your heart (which of course is made of pure gold) that you offered up a room to him earlier this year, but for the most part he sleeps on the couch downstairs; he likes to make things more difficult for himself than they need to be in hopes of getting some sympathy. You’ve called him out on this numerous times, making sure to remind him that nobody cares.

If you were being completely honest with yourself right now, you’d admit that the actual reason you let him stay with you was because you thought it would earn you some brownie points with Feferi, who loves charity like a fat kid loves cake.

Cronus managed to see himself through community college on his own and even has a well-paying job at a local garage where he works on cars like the grease monkey he is. Because of this, you’re not stuck with him breathing down your neck 24/7 and are only subjected to listening to him bitch and complain about his non-existent love life _most_ of the time, thank God.

Back in the present, he’s opening his mouth as if he’s about to spiral into one of his hour-long _woe is me_ rants that you’ve heard far too many of in the past month, so you shut him up quick with, “Did a package come from corporate this morning? I’m waitin’ for some important paperwork.”

“How should I know? Pops doesn’t want me touching a single hair on his precious little business; _you’re_ the golden boy star-child of the family.”

“I’m really not in the mood for one a’ your little jealous kiddy fits, so do me a favor an’ spare me just this once.”

He shrugs carelessly and fiddles with the unlit cigarette. You never understood why he has them when you’re pretty sure he’s never smoked a day in his life. “So, Meenah stopped by this morning—”

“Nope.”

“Oh come on, you don’t even know where I was going with that!”

You swing yourself back around to the computer and continue typing out the email to your father. “I know enough about where you were goin’ with that to know I don’t wanna hear it.”

“You don’t ever give me the time of day and I don’t deserve that, alright?” he whines. “See, yeah, maybe I was gonna tell you about how Meenah totally came here on her own accord to actually _talk_ to me for once, which is great because, sheesh, it’s about time she finally came around. I’m not going to wait for her forever, you know? But you’re just missing out on hearing what Feferi had to say.”

Your hands go still on the keyboard. “She came?”

“No, but I bet I could make her.”

You don’t hesitate to grab the nearest object and throw it at his head as hard as you can. He’s lucky it was a stress ball and not the paperweight.

“Hey, watch it! I was just kidding,” he shouts while rubbing his forehead. “Like I don’t already _know_ she’s off limits. Can’t a guy just crack a joke once in awhile?”

“Not when it comes to Fef, you fuckin’ creep. Now answer the question!”

He frowns. “No, she didn’t—uh, she wasn’t here. I guess since Meenah was already on her way over to give me—I mean, _seduce_ me—Feferi told her to tell me to tell _you_ that she can’t ‘do tomorrow,’ whatever that means? Something about her cell phone not working otherwise she’d text you herself or whatever, but I was kind of occupied with Meenah at the time so I don’t remember exactly... if you know what I’m saying.”

“Only thing _you’re_ busy with is your hand down your pants,” you sniff and return to your task once more. You don’t want Cronus to notice how visibly upset you are at the news that you’ll be needing to cancel plans with Feferi. Tomorrow the two of you were supposed to spend the whole day together with nobody to interrupt like old times, back when she wasn’t dating that asshole nerd with the lisp; you’ve barely seen Feferi outside of classes ever since the two of them started dating a couple weeks ago.

You wish you could put a stop to the whole train wreck that’s still currently in motion, but there’s nothing you can do. You knew she was slipping from your hands the moment she began hanging out with that loser after running into him alone at the campus coffee shop back in April. If you hadn’t of been late to meet her there, perhaps none of this would have happened and they’d of stayed nothing more than online guild buddies.

“You alright there, Dannyboy?” Cronus’ hand has found itself on your shoulder and he leans in to look at the computer screen with knitted brows. “I think you’re a bit tense. It’s the girl, isn’t it?”

It takes you a second to realize the words **’HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE’** have taken up a couple lines of the email. You promptly highlight and delete it at once, shrugging off your brother’s hand because you don’t want him touching you.

“What did I tell you about callin’ me that,” You smell a faint hint of cigarette smoke and cringe. “You smoke?”

He grins and takes a step back. “Well of course I do. What would I carry this around for it I didn’t?” He points to the unlit stick of cancer now tucked behind his ear. You roll your eyes and choose not to tell him how skeptical you are about anything that comes out of his mouth. “Hey, I know you’re into Meenah’s little sis and all, but maybe you should try looking elsewhere. I mean, maybe not elsewhere as in anywhere around _here_ since I’m pretty sure the whole town hates your guts, but maybe elsewhere as in _online?_ ” He shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs with pursed lips. “I wouldn’t know much about it since you know, I’ve got _Meenah_ all over me now and whatnot, but maybe it’d work for someone like yourself.”

You lift a brow and scoff. “Someone like myself? What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“Well, definitely not as successful as I am when it comes to picking up chicks, that’s for sure.”

You laugh—no, _cackle_ —because you’re not sure if he even hears the words that come out of his mouth, constantly contradicting himself, and wave his presence away with the flick of your wrist. “Would you please get the hell outta here before I’m subjected to stoopin’ down to your level of disparity and stupidity? I have _actual_ work to do and Dad’s countin’ on me to do it right.”

It’s written all over his face that he takes that last line as a personal jab in the ribs. Good, because that’s what you wanted. Without another word, he turns and stomps out of the room like a child who’d just been told to go stand in the corner, and you can’t help the small victorious smile that creeps over your lips.

Finally alone again, you minimize the email and bring up a webpage prompting you to load up certain fields with personal information. You’re still new to the world of online dating so you’re missing a few things on your profile, like your education and a better detailed ‘About Me’ that doesn’t just say, _”lookin for someone wworth my time or wwhatevver.”_

Cronus can _never_ know.

To be fair to the pathetic losers who actually use these stupid sites to find people, you’ve heard over and over countless times the stunningly-high amount of fulfilling relationships that online dating has forged, as well as some other bullshit about how these relationships are more likely to succeed or something, but you really don’t give a shit. You just want something to keep you busy while Captor sucks up all Feferi’s time.

Because the last thing you’d want is for someone you actually know to recognize you, you’ve set your location to the nearest major city and have taken the liberty of completely omitting any information that could be linked directly to one Eridan Ampora, including photos. Instead of a 180x180 headshot sits an image of the ocean from your back porch. You think this is more than sufficient, and anyone who might inquire about your looks can go fuck themselves.

You’ve got no new messages from any interested users which you’re pretty sure has to be a glitch. It’s been almost a whole week on this site and you’re positive there’s not a single girl within a twenty-mile radius who wouldn’t swoon over the fact that you’re two inches shy from six feet tall, make well over a hundred-thousands dollars a year, and that you’re interested in history.

You remind yourself that they’re most likely uncultured swine, so they probably don’t know any better.

Having finished your routine check-in, you’re about to switch back over to the email when something catches your attention. On the sidebar where ‘Possible Users You May Find Interesting’ are listed, there’s a photoless profile with the username apocolypseArisen in small bolded text, and beneath that are your shared interests; history, travelling, learning new things, rainy days, MMORPGs, etc. and she’s apparently within your area.

Curiosity piqued, you check out her profile which states she’s eighteen and attends a local college in your town. She’s studying archaeology which you can’t help but find sort of cool, enjoys paranormal stories and sci-fi movies, and apparently has a soft spot for grunge rock and some metal. You make a face at her taste in music, but you figure you could deal with it. Everyone has their flaws.

Besides her zodiac sign (Aries) and her ideal boyfriend (someone whos not a self serving douchebag) there’s no information about her salary or any other vital statistics other than that she’s currently online, which kind of sucks because it’d be nice to know where she stands on the social ladder; these things are important, after all. But despite this and the fact that you have no idea what she looks like, you’re fairly certain that she’s the most competent person you’re going to find on this damn site so you cut her some slack.

You're a bit hesitant at first, but you click on the messenger tab and send her a quick hello.

CA: hey   
CA: thought id say wwhats up since wwe like some a the same stuff   
CA: you there cause your little chat icon thing says youre online but youre not answwerin

You wait a few minutes but there's no reply.

Whatever.

CA: if youre just ignorin me thats kinda rude alright   
CA: i can tell youre online   
CA: okay wwell message me back maybe wwhenevver you get this i guess

You minimize the window and go back to the email, feeling a little irritated that she didn't answer you, but that's alright. If she doesn't want to talk to you then it's her loss, not yours. You were doing her a favor by giving her the time of day, after all.

It's not until around midnight when you're getting ready to crawl into bed a notification sound would go off on your phone, signaling that you had unread messages from something. You'd reach for it and tap on the blinking app icon, bringing the mobile chat messenger for that dating site into view, the brightness of the screen momentarily blinding you.

After blinking a few times to adjust to the light, you'd realize that apocolypseArisen had just messaged you back.

AA: hey im sorry for getting back to you so late   
AA: i was out on this dig all night and i just got back to my room   
AA: i dont usually log out of my account so that was my fault for being misleading   
AA: i hope you didnt actually think i was ignoring you!   
AA: oh woops its probably really late over there im sorry   
AA: ive been in france for the past 3 months so i forget about the time differences a lot   
AA: youre probably sleeping so i wont bother you anymore   
AA: hopefully i can catch you at a decent hour next time   
AA: it was nice sort of meeting you   
AA: ill be up for a little while if you want to talk but otherwise goodnight!

Too tired to even consider responding, you'd toss your phone to the side with a sigh and flip over, leaving the conversation to be picked up later at some other time.


	3. Chapter 3

“I told you already; go with the fuschia one,” you sigh from your place at the foot of Feferi’s bed, watching her hold a plain black scoop-neck dress shirt to her chest thoughtfully. “It’ll help you stand out against the competitions. Besides, you look a lot better in colors.”

You’re barely able to catch the shirt before it hits the ground when she hums and tosses it over her shoulder. You’d scold her about it if you weren’t so sure that she wasn’t even listening, plus she’d already rolled her eyes at you enough for the rest of the year in the past half-hour.

Despite the fact that today was supposed to be very much cancelled, Feferi had shown up on your doorstep an hour ago in an emergency visit to ask you to come over and help her pick something out to wear to her mother’s congressional re-election campaign party. You sort of think you should be worried that Feferi views you as someone to go to for fashion advice rather than as a potential boyfriend.

“They’re not competition; they’re just other people in government who I’d like to make a good impression on is all!” she reminds you while examining the top of your choice. “I know this means a lot to my mom and, well, I want her to be proud of me. Especially if I might follow in her footsteps!”

If you’re gonna be followin’ in your mom’s footsteps then you gotta start lookin’ at these people as possible threats instead a’ _friends,_ Fef. You’ve gotta make it clear that you won’t stand for havin’ others bein’ in your way—let ‘em know you’re plannin’ on takin’ it all the way to the top!”

“Why would they be threats? Some of them have really great ideas and have even said that they’d vote for me when I run for city council!”

“An’ if they end up beatin’ you an’ takin’ your rightful place as a leader...?”

Feferi laughs and plops down next to you on the bed, the shirt balled up gingerly in her hands. She smells like vanilla. “Well, then maybe they deserve it!”

“See, _this_ is what I’m talkin’ about,” You sigh and shake your head in disapproval. “I really think you’d be a great leader, but you’re just too nice. Government’s done thrive on niceness, Fef. Citizens need a firm an’ strict leader to guide them an’ tell ‘em what’s best! How do you expect to become the first female president if you’re not even willin’ to fight tooth an’ nail for a measly chair on the council?”

“President? Eridan, I don’t really think I’d be cut out for such a big job! Where did you even get the idea—”

“See, if we were partners in this—kinda like the Clinton’s, you know?—we’d take the White House without a problem,” You passionately slam your fist against your leg. It’s something you’ve daydreamed about on many occasions, and you’re too far gone in your own head to notice that Feferi is regarding you as if you’d completely lost it. “The two of us would make a great team; me handlin’ all the strict business up front since I know all about that, an’ you... well, doin’ what you do best an’ takin’ care a’ everyone, get the people on our side. It’d be _great—_ ”

“Eridan?”

“Can you imagine the two of us in the White House? We could do so much... startin’ with gettin’ rid a’ all these ridiculous government programs an’ whatever else the lower class just _expects_ to have handed to ‘em; like Medicaid! It’s nuts how entitled—”

“Eridan!”

You snap out of your thoughts when you feel fingers comb through your hair and reflexively lean back out of reach before too much damage is done. Feferi is giving you one of her pity smiles. You hate it when they’re reserved for you.

“I think you get a little caught up in all those big ideas of yours sometimes, but like I was trying to say; I don’t think I’d want to be president! That’d just be way too stressful, and I probably wouldn’t have any time to actually _do_ anything good!” she says. “And those programs are really important to a lot of people... to be honest, I don’t think cutting them would be useful at all!”

You huff and shrug, not in the mood to argue with her anymore. You often wonder when she gets her leadership skills from because it’s _certainly_ not her mother; that woman could probably have whole cities burned to the ground with the flick of a wrist, and you wouldn’t be surprised if she already has.

“Then what kinda job are you thinkin’?”

She taps her chin in thought. “Hmm, perhaps mayor? It’s a big role, but it’s still local and would give me the chance to help better the city!” She stands up and heads back over to sift through her closet once more, leaving the shirt behind on the bed.

You groan. “That’s too _small!_ ”

“No it’s not, silly!” she laughs and watches herself in the full-length mirror while holding a tan skirt to her hips. “I’ve thought about maybe working towards the senate someday, but I think I’d be much more content sticking to a single town rather than a whole state. What do you think, though—is that still ‘too small’?”

It’s not president, but whatever,” You feel your phone vibrate against your thigh and retrieve it out of your pocket, swiping the screen to read the text you’d just gotten from Karkat.

MAKE SURE YOU’RE FREE THIS WEEKEND. SATURDAY IS GUILD NIGHT.

“Kar’s arrangin’ for a guild night this Saturday. Not sure if he sent you a text, too,” you relay. “Hey, what are you doin’? I thought we already decided on your outfit for the party.”

She blushes. “Well, I’ve got to find something to wear _tonight_... Sollux is taking me somewhere classy for dinner, and I want to look nice!”

You think that Sollux’s idea of ‘clarry’ would probably be outside on the patio of Burger King and scoff. “Why are you even wastin’ your time with that loser when we could go see a movie like we were plannin’ on doin’ since _a week ago?_ ”

“Well, it’s just that the both of us have been super busy—with school and work, you know—and he told me that he’d be free tonight and wanted to take me on a date!” she explains with shy enthusiasm. “You know I love our movie nights, Eridan, but I’m dating Sollux and I need to prioritize the little time I get with him lately. I’m sure you understand,” The doorbell rings as if on cue, and her seemingly-permanent smile only grows wider. “Oh, that might be him now!”

“He’s here? But—” The sudden realization that she’d blown your pre-established plans in favor of swapping spit with Sollux hits you like a bag a bricks to the gut. “Wait, you’re tellin’ me you canceled _our_ plans because _he_ asked you out on a date?”

She doesn’t answer you, having already left her bedroom to get the door. You attempt to keep on her heels but it’s no use since she’d gotten a head, plus you’ve got to be careful not to knock over one of her mother’s many priceless statues or decorative vases littering the halls. Ms. Peixes already doesn’t care much when it comes to you for some unknown reason; Feferi’s told you before that it’s not you specifically that she doesn’t like, but just the Ampora name in general. You think there must be some sort of misunderstanding because who could possibly hate the Amporas? Clearly her mother is out to get you and you alone for no justifiable reason, so you’re not about to _give_ her one by breaking her things.

Right as you’re rounding the corner into the main entrance hall, Feferi swings open the front door to reveal the current thorn in your side with a grin on his face and a small bouquet of roses in hand. He clearly had no idea that Feferi’s favorite flowers are lotuses.

“Oh, these are my favorite!” she exclaims, accepting the flowers and leaning up on the tips of her toes to press a kiss to his cheek. “How did you know?”

“Just a lucky guess.”

Your scoff echoes around the large room, gaining you the attention of the happy couple. Sollux’s smile instantly wanes and turns into more of a frustrated frown. “What’s he doing here, FF?”

“Like _you_ have any right to be askin’ about why I’m here; Fef’s my best friend, so if anyone’s gotta be answerin’ questions around here it’s _you,_ ” you sneer.

Feferi sighs and places the roses on a small table near the door. “He just came over to help me with something. He was actually just leaving,” She gives you an expectant look, willing you to pick up on the hint that she did, in fact, want you to leave so she and Sollux could be alone. “Right, Eridan?”

You narrow your eyes at the gangly computer nerd standing in the doorway. “Yeah, sure. I guess that’s what I’m doin’,” you mumble, and as you go to leave you make sure to slam your shoulder into his when you pass him, earning a surprised grunt. You turn to meet his glare, hoping to effectively communicate without words that you hate his existence, and by the look you get in return you’re pretty sure that it worked.

You break the staring competition to look over at Feferi, softening your gaze and forcing a half-smile. “I’ll see you later.”

She gives you a small appreciative nod and a wave before shutting the door in your face.

The walk home isn’t exactly as head clearing as you’d like it to be. For starters, the traffic is loud and it’s giving you a headache, and the fact that it’d just finished raining too long ago so now it’s ridiculously muggy doesn’t help either, only making your clothes stick uncomfortably to your skin.

Your phone vibrates and you fish it out of your pocket when you come to a crosswalk, expecting to find another text from Karkat since he has a tendency to keep messaging people until they acknowledge him.

AA: hi!  
AA: i never got a response from you  
AA: i was just wondering if you still wanted to talk 

You bite your lip in thought as you step around a puddle, avoiding mucking up your shoes. You’d completely forgotten about the messages she’d sent you last night when you were half asleep, and to be honest you’re a little surprised to hear from her again so soon without even having to somehow get her attention.

Figuring it’d at least keep you busy on the walk home, you type out a response in hopes of starting up some sort of conversation to stay occupied for the time being.

CA: hey yeah  
CA: sorry i wwas sleepin  
CA: but im kinda lookin to talk a bit noww actually  
CA: keep my mind off a certain things i guess

It doesn’t take long for her to message you back.

AA: oh like what  
AA: is everything okay?  
CA: not tryin a be rude or anythin  
CA: but id rather not talk about it i mean i dont evven knoww you  
AA: its alright i understand  
AA: we all have our own problems that we need to deal with  
CA: yeah i suppose so but wwhatevver lets talk about somethin else  
CA: like wwhat are you evven doin on this site i think thats a good place to start  
AA: id imagine doing the same thing youre doing there  
AA: just searching to see whats out there  
CA: online though thats kinda desperate dont you think  
CA: not sayin im desperate or somethin like that cause im definitely not  
CA: i could care less about that silly wwebsite  
AA: then why are you on it if you dont care 0_0  
CA: look dont givve me that sass alright  
CA: im just bored and aint nobody else around here wworth my time so i figured id look elsewwhere  
CA: thats kinda off point though since i asked you first so wwhy are YOU avvoidin the question  
AA: i didnt avoid the question though  
AA: i told you im just searching to see whats out there!  
CA: wwell wwhy not do that in the real wworld instead a online like some loser  
CA: at least then you knoww wwho youre dealin wwith an not some crazy psycho killer or somethin  
AA: i would but remember im kinda in france  
AA: and ive met lots of great people here so dont get me wrong but i dont want to date them if ill be leaving soon  
AA: so i thought itd be nice to find someone back home that i could maybe meet when i return  
AA: and hey that doesnt make me a loser!  
AA: some of the best relationships are started online  
AA: i actually even met my ex boyfriend online and we were together for 4 years  
CA: see ex is the keywword there so look howw much good online datin did for you  
AA: you know youre not very nice mr caligulasaquarium  
AA: if youre going to be such a downer then id rather not talk to you to be quite honest

You roll your eyes and seriously consider discarding the conversation entirely because if she’s trying to scare you with a threat, it’s not going to work. She clearly has no idea who you are, so with that decision made you pocket your phone and continue home with a smug smile. She’ll soon realize the mistake she’d made after she notices that you’re not responding. Hell, she’ll probably even beg for you to keep talking to her. You just have to wait a little bit.

Unfortunately, you come to realize that this is not the case after almost a full ten minutes have passed and you’re standing on a corner waiting for the light to turn red so you could get to the other side, with a loud group of cantankerous late twenty-something guys howling up a storm outside the 7-11 behind you. You’re a bit nervous; maybe it’s because the sun is starting to set and they seem like the kind of people to knock you down and take your wallet, or it’s just the idea that’s you they’re laughing at for some reason, but either way you end up caving and whipping your phone back out. You need something to focus your attention on because you’re pretty sure that if you look over your shoulder and accidentally make eye contact with those goons one more time that they’re going to call you out, and you’re not in the mood for a confrontation today.

CA: alright alright look im sorry about bein a little snappy im actually a pretty nice guy  
CA: an if wwere bein honest im the best guy youll find around here so theres that  
AA: im starting to get the idea that youre just a little bit too into yourself  
CA: wwhat wwhere wwould you get an idea like that im all ABOUT others  
CA: like youre into archaeology or somethin right cause i saww that on your profile  
CA: an you said you wwere in france cause a dig or wwhatevver  
CA: howw could i remember all a that if im full a myself  
AA: is everything ok because youre rambling a little  
CA: no wway im just provvin a point i aint got nothin to be nervvous about an i aint scared a anythin  
CA: but really so the wwhole diggin thing is kinda cool i like that  
AA: thanks!  
AA: yeah it's pretty great especially if youre into history which i am  
CA: me too im actually in school right noww studyin military history an anthropology its the best  
CA: i mean ALL history is the best but i just really have a thing for strong leaders an wwars and stuff  
CA: but wwhat about you cause your profile didnt say anythin about education   
AA: im studying archaeology actually!  
AA: hey youre not too far from where i live so we might even know each other or at least have met  
AA: who knows we might even have some classes together  
CA: huh i dont think so  
AA: can i ask what your name is at least because you never know  
CA: i just dont think i should be givven out my name an stuff online to people i dont knoww  
CA: i mean isnt that wwhat usernames are for after all  
CA: to keep you from gettin strangled in your sleep by some girl wwho claims shes in france  
CA: but in reality might just really be next door wwaitin for her next vvictim  
AA: is that really what youre afraid of because you said earlier you werent afraid of anything  
CA: i aint afraid ok id just like to keep my information privvate thank you vvery much  
CA: im kinda a big deal around here an i dont wwant my name bein tainted  
AA: are you like a movie star or something?  
CA: might as wwell be but no im not  
AA: well you should at least put up a picture of you on your profile so people know who theyre talking to  
CA: no wway i dont wwant people to notice me did you not understand that cause i thought i made that clear  
AA: can i at least have a picture of you so i know what you look like then  
CA: nope  
AA: oh come on!  
AA: ill even give you one of me back in return  
CA: i dont care wwhat you look like it aint like im takin this seriously or anythin so wwhat does it matter  
AA: well im taking this seriously!  
CA: howw on earth can you take somethin like online datin seriously  
CA: you really think youre gonna find wwhat youre lookin for  
AA: maybe  
AA: its happened once before so maybe itll happen again  
AA: dont be so quick to knock it you might find what youre looking for too if you just try  
AA: what are you even looking for because you dont seem very invested in finding someone  
CA: thats cause im not  
CA: im just lookin for someone to talk to evvery noww an then thats all  
AA: oh so like a friend  
CA: yeah i guess if thats wwhat you wwanna call it  
CA: maybe somethin else i dunno really didnt think much about it  
AA: well hey maybe we can be friends  
CA: yeah maybe i mean i dont havve a lot of options i dunno if youvve seen the selection on that site its terrible  
CA: youre like probably the best im gonna find so looks like there aint nothin else to say on the matter a friends  
AA: thanks  
AA: i think 0_0  
CA: evven though your taste in music is pretty questionable i mean really grunge and metal  
CA: but as long as wwe dont talk about it evver i guess i can deal  
AA: hey whats wrong with my taste in music?  
CA: are you kiddin me  
CA: is there any chance you wwear hearin aids cause that music is utter shit  
AA: oh god youre one of those hipster types arent you  
AA: with your pretentious music snob indie blogs or whatever  
AA: wearing skinny jeans and living at starbucks

You’re not entirely sure if she’s purposely trying to offend you, but it makes you crack a grin nonetheless. You turn onto your street and begin making your way towards your house.

CA: maybe maybe not but my music is still a hundred times better than that noise you listen to  
CA: if im feelin charitable i might just send you a feww links to some decent stuff  
CA: gotta get you cultured if wwere gonna be friends or wwhatever you wwanna call it  
AA: ha!  
AA: only if you agree to give some of the stuff i send you a try  
AA: friendship is a two way street after all  
CA: perhaps ill humor you wwell see  
CA: so on your profile SHIT  
AA: 0_0  
AA: are you okay  
CA: goddammit some asshole just drovve through a puddle and splashed me an noww im fuckin soaked  
AA: would it be mean of me to tell you that im actually laughing  
CA: yeah id say thatd be pretty dowwnright fuckin rude actually  
CA: fuck noww i gotta treat my hair an shit cause a that disgustin dirty wwater  
AA: what?  
CA: might as wwell burn my clothes too wwhile im at it cause the germs  
AA: treat your hair  
AA: burn your clothes  
AA: are you joking right now because i cant tell  
CA: no im not jokin wwhy wwould i be jokin this is serious  
AA: wow if this is how you are with some rain water then you would be horrible on a dig  
CA: wwell thats kinda the reason i aint a fan of diggin around in dirt like SOMEONE else i knoww  
AA: i thought you said archaeology was cool!  
CA: yeah but that dont mean i wwanna bury myself up to my fuckin neck in filth to find some rocks are you nuts  
CA: do you havve any idea howw hard it is gettin dirt outta your hair its fuckin brutal alright  
AA: oh my god you remind me of this one guy i know from back home so much right now  
CA: wwell if hes anythin like me then hes probably a really cool guy  
AA: actually hes a complete spaz  
CA: are you sayin im a spaz  
AA: just a little bit  
AA: but i mean if youre willing to put up with my shit music then i guess im willing to put up with your spazziness  
AA: and your starbucks dwelling and skinny jeans wearing and music snobbishness and generally everything about you  
AA: someone has to show you mercy and if not me then who  
CA: hey i nevver said any a that wwas true about me  
AA: you never denied it :D

You huff and trudge up the drive way, ringing out the bottom of your shirt.

CA: look i gotta go change an get out a these filthy clothes  
CA: but maybe wwe can talk a little bit more sometime soon like later or wwhatever  
AA: hmm i suppose that sounds like a good idea  
AA: id probably say no but since there arent many inquiring persons other than yourself i dont have much of a choice  
CA: wwell arent you just swweet  
AA: the sweetest!  
AA: ill talk to you later then  
AA: oh and by the way fill out your profile  
CA: alright i wwill a little later but i aint puttin much i dont wwant people to notice me  
AA: oh shut up about that already nobody cares  
AA: bye!

Muddy rainwater trails behind you through the front door and along the tile floor as you peek inside the living room. Cronus isn’t in his signature spot on the couch and the place is oddly quiet, so you assume he’s probably out trying his hand at picking up chicks and failing. Or at work. Whatever.

You don’t send AA a goodbye message, but that doesn’t mean you’re done with her because later that night after you’d taken care of responding to corporate emails and finished up filing paperwork, you’d log into your account to fill out a little bit more of your profile and send her a few examples of good music instead of that bullshit she listens to. She wouldn’t get back to you with her thoughts (AA: wow you really are a hipster haha) on them until the next morning, when she’d leave you her own selection of music for you to sample. Much to your dismay you end up taking a very slight liking to some of it, but you make sure to tell her that you actually threw up in your mouth a little the second you pressed the play button. She’d call you a liar and you’d stand your ground denying this.

Things would progress like this over the next few days, witty banter back and forth and poking fun at each other only whenever you have a bit of spare time to waste, until answering her messages somehow become a priority that has you pushing work and business calls aside. Sharing the events of the day would become a sort of standard between the both of you, and she’d continue to pester you for a photo or at least to know your name but you’d shoot her requests down immediately. Just because you’d become online friends of sorts didn’t mean you’d give out any personal information, though you’d consider it on a few occasions, mainly when she would try and persuade you with a picture of yourself. Needless to say that some nights while falling asleep, you’d find yourself wondering what she looks like.

In the midst of it all, Feferi and her boyfriend would begin to slowly find a new place at the back of your mind, and Saturday would come a lot sooner than you’d be prepared for.

 

* * *

 

“Can everyone hear me?” you ask, adjusting the volume levels on your headset. You’re standing around an open forest area, waiting for the rest of your guild to show up so that you could organize a raid party.

Karkat’s character is pacing irate circles around your own. You say ‘irate’ because you can hear him complaining under his breath about how he’s planning to rip Tavros a new asshole if he shows up late like last time. You try to remind him of Tavros’ disability and the fact that he might require a little extra time, to which Karkat responds with: “You don’t need the use of your legs to log into a fucking video game and click a goddamn button.”

Thankfully before you’re forced to endure Karkat’s (mostly) empty threats, Tavros and the rest of your guildmates show up; Latula and her boyfriend Mituna, Nepeta, and Karkat’s co-leader, Feferi.

“Fuckin’ _finally,_ Fef! Was startin’ to think you weren’t gonna show up. You’re usually the first one here,” you say, relieved. The game wouldn’t be much fun if it weren’t for Feferi, after all. You hear her giggle through the headset and you can feel your cheeks instantly flush, not even paying attention to the unknown noob-looking character following behind her.

“Great, we’re all here. We all know the objective, so does anyone have any questions? I’m asking because I know most of you idiots have shit for brains and if I hear _‘Hey Karkat, what are we doing’_ just once, I will—”

“Ey, I’m not late, am I? Heard about this little online shindig and thought I’d make it better by showing up. No need to thank me or anything.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose and squeeze your eyes shut. “Cro, what the _hell_ about.”

“Fuck, not this douchebag,” Karkat huffs. He’s never been much of a fan of Cronus. “How did you even _get_ into my guild? I didn’t give your ass the okay to join—Sollux, did you hack my shit or something?”

“I’m not even sure I know who you’re talking about, KK.”

“I did!” Feferi admits gleefully. “He sent me a message on Facebook asking me to let him join, so I gave him an invite! Oh, and he’s a new player so we should all keep that in mind and show him the ropes!”

“Alright, as co-leader I think I deserve to know when you decide to admit pathetic shitbag rejects into the guild, first of all. Second, you _know_ we only accept members who are at least level 60 and _aren’t_ desperate losers.”

“Come on, chief—I don’t mean any harm! Just thought I’d hang out with some good friends is all. Hey, you know I really admire your leadership skills, right?”

“I’m not your friend, shitstain. Nobody here is!”

“Who are we talking about again? ED?”

G4M38R0413: H4LP WH47 SID3 M 1 0N3  
G4M38R0413: H3LL0???  
G4M38R0413: WHY 15N 4NYN3 74LKNG 70 M3  
G4M38R0413: 1 H34R YU0U! C4N Y0U H3R3 M33??

“Can one of you ass clowns who can actually understand his goddamn gibberish help him out before I choke myself? I’m a leader, not a fucking translator.”

“Put your headphones on and use the mic, babe!” Latula offers. “They’re in the first drawer to your right, next to the CSS catalogue!”

Mituna’s name lights up on the screen, signaling that he’d joined the voice chat. After a bit of static and crackling he shouts, “Hello?!”

“Hi, babe!”

“Tulip! Oh, hey guys! I’m here now!”

You cringe and dial down the volume. “Wow, is that even necessary? Like, couldn’t you a’ spared me the earache by just talkin’ to each off mic or somethin’?”

Latula laughs. “I’m at work!”

“I’m not trying to be rude, so I hope that you don’t take it, um, that way, but won’t you get in trouble if you get caught? Playing games when, you know, you’re supposed to be working, I mean.”

“Don’t be such a party pooper, Tavros!” Vriska says.

“Alright alright, enough of this frivolous bullshit,” Karkat butts in. “I’m splitting us all into two teams since I can’t be assed with handling all of you fuckers _and_ a retard. Feferi will lead the blue team, and I’ll take the red team.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What? No, I didn’t—Mituna, not you, dumbass! I was talking about Eridan’s asshole brother who can’t take a hint that _NOBODY WANTS HIM HERE._ ”

“Fine, I’ll leave. I can tell when I’m not wanted. I’ll just go and express my feelings through music, like the artist I am.”

“Fuckin’ thank _God._ Havin’ to see your face everyday is already enough, I don’t wanna see you online, too,” you breathe, making sure nobody can actually hear you.

“Don’t listen to him, Cronus! It’s always nice to have another warrior in the guild,” Feferi overrules. “Here—you can be on my team if you’d like!”

“Really? Alright, yeah. I’d like that. Thanks, kitten.”

You throw your head back and let out a frustrated groan. “Seriously, Fef? He doesn’t even know what the hell a warrior _is,_ let alone what he’s even doin’. He’s just playin’ to antagonize me and hit on everyone!”

She just shushes you and proceeds to divide your guild into two groups along with Karkat, and separate chat channels are set up as well so that it isn’t just a bunch of people from both teams shouting orders and confusing each other.

Cronus decides to bring his laptop into your room and makes camp on your bed, occasionally asking what he’s supposed to do. You want to tell him that he can go fuck himself for starters but Feferi might hear you, so you flip him the middle finger instead. He follows behind her character for the duration of the evening since she’s the only one who’s willing to help him out.

“You should have used your paladin tonight, Eridan!” Feferi says. “You want to log off and switch characters real quick? It’ll really help with the battle!”

“I dunno, Fef. This guy’s supposed to be pretty tough an’ this is my highest level character. Magic’s always done good for me, so I think I’m fine. Never had much of a problem fightin’ with this one.”

“Seems like you’ve got a lot of faith in magic there, ED. You ever try any of those spells in real life to make friends for yourself?”

“Shut up, Sol. Everyone knows magic ain’t real.”

“Says the wizard,” he snickers.

“I ain’t a wizard, I’m a mage!” you remind him pointedly. “Says so right in the class description, you non-readin’ fool. There’s a distinct difference between the two a’ them.”

“What, like one still needs to come to terms with the fact they’re stupid as fuck?” You attempt to ignore him to the the best of your abilities, focusing your attention on your current trade with Tavros. “The one in denial is you, if you were wondering.”

Karkat decides to jump from his group chat to yours with a, “Holy fuck, can we please get on with this goddamn raid? I know you all like to stand around with your thumbs up your asses, but I actually have shit to do in the morning and I swear to whatever pathetic fucking deity any of you pray to that if I end up oversleepingI will _shit on all of your lawns._ ”

Your group picks up the pace, Cronus falling behind due to his waxing interest in the game while you and Sollux continue to argue and spit insults back and forth. At one point the only two that could be heard out of the whole chat are the both of you, and it takes Mituna’s incessant shouting of _’PLEASE STOP FIGHTING, I’M SORRY’_ over and over along with a warning from Feferi to get you to shut up. The silence only lasts for a few minutes though, because when Feferi leaves to take a bathroom break you’re right back at each others’ virtual throats again—more so his rather than yours.

“Just ‘cause you’re datin’ Fef don’t mean that I have to like you,” you inform him. “An’ just so we’re clear, _I don’t._ ”

“Seriously, you’re gonna try and start something again?”

The fact that he doesn’t give much of a response other than that irks you. What makes him think you’re trying to start something? You’re not. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, Sol. I’m just finishin’ what we started.”

He sighs. “There’s nothing to talk about, ED. We all know you’re just jealous of me for ‘stealing’ FF from you, whatever _that’s_ supposed to mean. Just drop it and move on.”

“So you can’t even commit to a little conversation, but you wanna date Fef? Hah!” You give an unimpressed snort. “You’re not worth her time.”

“You know, FF was right about you.”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“It means you really _are_ childish. No wonder FF never wanted to date you; she’d probably strangle herself if she had to deal with your bullshit more than she already has to.”

You grind your teeth, not sure whether to be angry because this loser just called you childish, to feel betrayed because Feferi apparently talked to him about you, or to feel hurt because, well... Feferi not wanting to date is sort of a sore topic, so you resort to using the only piece of information you’ve got on him that you think might hit home.

“Yeah, well she’ll probably leave you like whatshername did once she gets a good righteous taste a’ how pathetic you are,” you tell him. His end goes oddly and uncharacteristically quiet, and you can’t help but feel a sense of pride for being the reason, so you drag him through the dirt just a little bit more. “What was her name again—Aradia, right? What’s she been up to, huh?”

“That’s none of your business, and you have no idea what happened between AA and me so shut the fuck up!”

“Uh, guys? Is there any chance that, um, the two of you can stop fighting? It’s just, I don’t like it when people argue, especially when we’re supposed to be on the same team. Plus, uh, Feferi said to quit, remember?”

“I dunno what you’re gettin’ all defensive for since you got Fef, now. I mean, unless you’ve got some unfinished business with Ar or whatever—”

_“You keep her name out of your fucking mouth, ED!”_

“Now that I’m thinkin’ about it, does she still even play?” you wonder out loud. “I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen her online in months. Probably avoidin’ you or somethin’.”

You can practically hear Sollux fuming over your headset and you crack a grin. “Shut up, if anything it’s _you_ she’s avoiding! You’re the one who nobody can stand being around!”

“At least people can understand me when I’m talkin’.”

“If the two of you don’t stop right now, I’m banning both of you from the guild for a whole month!” Feferi cuts in out of nowhere. Her game avatar has actually managed to wedge its way between yours and Sollux’s like some sort of mediator. “Sheesh, can’t we all just have a fun time questing for once? What is it with the two of you always fighting!”

You scoff. “He started it.”

“No I didn’t!”

Your phone grabs your attention when you hear it vibrating on the wooden desk, and you tap the dating site messenger app to find a few unread messages.

AA: goodnight  
AA: oh and message me as soon as you wake up tomorrow  
AA: i want to talk to you a little before you go to class!

You smile. 

"And for the record, Aradia still plays but she's avoiding _both_ of you," Feferi answers your original question that you'd already forgot asking. "Which sucks since she's the best hunter in our guild but she won't play when either of you guys are online, which is most of the time!"

CA: pfft wwhy wwould i evven wwaste my time talkin to you  
CA: heh you knoww im just jokin  
CA: ill be sure to bother you the moment i open my eyes an not a second later  
CA: but hey if you cant sleep im here  
CA: gonna be up for a wwhile  
CA: uh  
CA: wworkin  
CA: got a lot a wwork to do  
CA: but yeah goodnight

"Her loss," you tell Feferi as you wait to see if AA has anything else to say, hoping that she'll actually stay up a little longer to talk with you while you bullshit around with your guild. Over the past few days you and her have had some really great conversations and you find yourself looking forward to the next one constantly.

AA: <3

Your stomach does a flip at that for some reason.

It's not what you were expecting, but you'll take it.

CA: wwoww lame  


She sends you back a photo of her middle finger and you can't help but laugh.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some choice conversations between Eridan and Aradia between June 25th - September 7th.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the ridiculously long wait! This chapter was a total pain in my ass with having to code each line of text and actually having to write out their conversations... sheesh.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA] on June 25th, 2011  
CA: are you awwake  
CA: i need help its an emergency  
AA: you caught me right before i was about to head out for a dig!  
AA: is everything alright  
CA: no nothins alright evverythin is horrible  
AA: whats wrong  
CA: i got this meetin in a half hour an i cant figure out wwhich tie to wwear  
CA: im torn betwween this navvy blue one an a grey one  
CA: tie1.jpg  
CA: tie2.jpg  
CA: wwhich one do you think i should go wwith  
AA: i cannot believe you right now  
AA: this is what you would constitute as an emergency  
AA: not knowing how to accessorize  
CA: please i am the fuckin KING at accessorizin you dont evven KNOWW  
CA: but this is serious right noww alright  
CA: wwhich one should i wwear  
AA: well that depends on the rest of your outfit!  
CA: oh yeah of course  
CA: hold on let me lay my clothes out on my bed an take a picture  
CA: alright here  
CA: outfit.jpg  
AA: hmm not too shabby  
AA: i like it!  
CA: of course you do i havve great fashion sense  
AA: says the skinny jean wearing music snob hipster  
AA: but id say go with the blue one  
AA: it will look great against that pale yellow button down!  
CA: yeah i guess youre right  
CA: an for the record i dont wwear skinny jeans alright theyre FITTED  
CA: sue me for wwantin to look respectable and not like some dirtscrapin git wwho dont knoww wwhat size clothes they wwear  
CA: also ivve got wway too much class to be wwearin jeans anywway  
AA: youre being serious arent you  
AA: youve got to have at least one pair!  
CA: sure i havve a couple but i try to avvoid wwearin commoners clothes  
AA: commoners  
AA: what is this 1462  
AA: i wouldnt doubt the idea of you having your own wax seal for your mail  
CA: no i dont actually but ivve been thinkin about lookin into gettin one wwith my initials  
AA: oh god please dont  
CA: wwhy not  
AA: youre already teetering on the edge of being a supreme douche you dont need to push the envelope further and  
AA: seal the deal  
CA: wwoww you really just wwent there huh  
CA: pretty clevver ill givve you that  
AA: 0u0  
CA: that face looks stupid  
AA: your face looks stupid!  
AA: well at least im pretty confident it looks stupid  
AA: but since you wont put up a picture and let me see it ill never know  
CA: wwell that sucks for you i guess  
AA: yeah it definitely does because you see  
AA: ill never know if the person im talking to is actually anything he claims to be  
CA: hmm seems like a personal problem  
AA: come on at least just send me one if you dont want to put it on your profile!  
CA: wwevve been ovver this like a thousand times alright it aint gonna happen  
CA: youre lucky i evven filled out half a my profile so stop bein ungrateful  
AA: even if i send you like like 5 pictures of me in return  
AA: youre not even the slightest interested in knowing what i look like  
CA: wwell i mean yeah im kinda curious i guess but i aint gonna jeopardize my name  
AA: fine fine  
AA: well  
AA: if you wont let me see a picture of you  
AA: will you at least tell me what you look like so i can get an idea  
CA: uh  
CA: i dunno  
AA: please id really appreciate it  
CA: alright i guess  
CA: like wwhat do you wwanna knoww  
CA: you kinda got me on the spot here  
AA: i dont know just give me a general description of yourself!  
CA: alright i got browwn hair an blue eyes  
CA: um im pretty fit   
CA: i dunno  
AA: are you tall  
CA: im like a couple inches under 6ft so yeah sure i guess  
AA: have any tattoos  
CA: no i dont got no goddamn tattoos are you fuckin nuts  
AA: 0_0  
AA: are you afraid of needles or something  
CA: i aint afraid a no stupid fuckin needles i thought i told you i wwasnt afraid a nothin already  
CA: i just aint one to go and ruin my body like some scum a the earth felon type  
AA: having tattoos doesnt make someone a felon  
CA: perhaps not but they still make you LOOK like one an that aint my style  
CA: not to mention they're trashy lookin too  
AA: so does that mean i look trashy if i have tattoos  
CA: most likely yeah  
AA: well i dont have any myself but i like tattoos  
AA: i especially think they look great on guys  
CA: yeah wwell too bad cause i aint gettin none  
AA: i wasnt trying to persuade you into considering any but okay  
CA: good cause it aint gonna happen  
AA: youre so strange  
AA: oh hey its 9am  
AA: youre not late for work are you  
CA: SHIT i wwasnt wwatchin the clock  
CA: alright im gonna go wwith the blue tie like you said  
CA: thanks for the input by the wway  
AA: youre welcome!  
AA: have a good day at work  
AA: <3  
CA: yeah right somethin like that  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]  


* * *

apocolypseArisen [AA] began messaging caligulasAquarium [CA] on July 3rd, 2011  
AA: so youll never guess what i found today!  
CA: some dirt an rocks i reckon  
CA: hmm maybe evven a stick if you wwere lucky  
AA: oh haha very funny mr hipster pants  
CA: hey wwhat did i tell you about callin me that  
CA: you think its funny but it aint  
AA: shush!  
AA: anyway i found some really old coins  
AA: like supposedly theyre supposed to date all the way back to the 1400s but were not completely sure yet!  
AA: we being me and my dig partner since we sort of decided to keep them for ourselves so shhh  
CA: keepin somethin you found for yourself oh no wwhat a rebel  
AA: youre just full of jokes today arent you  
CA: yup ivve been stock pilin them up just for you  
CA: but bein completely serious here thats pretty cool  
CA: finding coins from them middle ages  
CA: you think theyre wworth anythin or wwhat  
AA: i dont know!  
AA: even if they are im not going to sell them  
CA: wwell duh a course you shouldnt i wwas just wwonderin  
CA: you should keep em for yourself  
AA: theres six of them  
AA: maybe i can save one for you  
CA: hey yeah thatd be pretty swwell actually cause i like collectin coins  
CA: you find anythin else or wwhat  
AA: no unfortunately thats all we came across  
AA: i ended up on my hands in knees in a pit for 6 hours just for some coins!  
AA: but it was totally worth it since most days i dont find anything  
CA: bluh you must be fuckin filthy  
CA: do they let you at least clean up before trackin all that dirt into your room  
AA: nope!  
AA: which reminds me i should go jump in the shower right now  
AA: im so used to it i dont even really notice the fact that im covered in dirt  
CA: wwoww good thing you aint ovver here then  
CA: aint no wway id let you into my house  
AA: thank goodness im not your girlfriend then!  
CA: wwhats that supposed to mean  
AA: it means exactly what it sounds like  
AA: id hate to be left outside all alone!  
CA: wwell its not like id make you fuckin stay out there all night i aint rude like that  
CA: id just havve to hose you dowwn or somethin before comin in  
AA: oh that sounds fun!  
CA: youre nuts  
AA: wouldnt you be afraid of getting wet though  
AA: god forbid you got some mud on your shirt  
CA: fuck youre right  
CA: i guess wwed just havve to get a sprinkler system installed then  
CA: let you run through it  
AA: haha!  
AA: you wouldnt join me  
CA: no wway  
AA: aw come on sprinklers are fun!  
CA: i aint a child i got better things to do than act like one  
AA: jeez okay  
AA: party pooper  
AA: no wonder you dont have a girflriend  
CA: that aint wwhy i dont got a girlfriend an you knoww it  
AA: yeah i know  
AA: but maybe thats why she never thought to date you  
AA: did you ever think about that  
CA: hey i didnt tell you about her so you could try an play therapist to my problems alright   
CA: so dont evven try cause you dont knoww the half a it  
AA: are you sure i dont know the half of it because you sure do a lot of talking about yourself  
AA: ive got to at least know 2/3 of it  
AA: besides her name of course  
AA: you just really like to leave out all the fun details  
CA: are you mockin me  
AA: nope!  
CA: i think youre mockin me  
AA: wwhat makes you think that  
CA: yeah you are see if you wwerent mockin me then wwhy wwould you be copyin my quirk so stop  
CA: im bein serious  
AA: goodness when are you ever not serious!  
AA: you need to relax a little  
AA: youre so uptight  
CA: aint no time for relaxin  
AA: well im going to go do just that and enjoy a nice long shower!  
AA: goodbye!  
AA: <3  
apocolypseArisen [AA] ceased messaging caligulasAquarium [CA]  
CA: wwait  
CA: hmm  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]  


* * *

apocolypseArisen [AA] began messaging caligulasAquarium [CA] on July 14th, 2011  
AA: are you alright  
AA: i just got the messages that you sent me a few hours ago  
AA: they were kind of  
AA: um  
AA: hard to read  
AA: im going to assume they were drunk texts  
AA: something about a girl  
AA: im not too sure  
AA: hello  
AA: i just want to make sure everything is okay  
CA: goddammit  
CA: im so fuckin done wwith evverythin  
AA: well its a lot easier to understand what youre saying now  
AA: you must have sobered up  
CA: unfortunately  
CA: cant get drunk fast enough again  
AA: youre still drinking  
CA: wwell tryin to sicne its not exactly easy to drink an text at th same time  
AA: stop drinking and talk to me  
AA: i bet youll feel a lot better if you just vent to me  
CA: no  
AA: why not  
AA: you didnt seem to have a problem earlier even though im not too sure of what you were trying to tell me  
CA: wwhy  
AA: why what  
CA: wwhy fuckin me thats wwhy wwhat  
AA: what happened  
CA: evverythin happened  
CA: that fuckin asshole happened howw about that  
CA: cant evven spend twwo fuckin minutes alone wwith my supposedly best friend   
CA: wwho i drop EVVERYTHIN FOR in a heartbeat wwhen she neeeds me  
CA: cause hes more important since hes the one shes snoggin an not me  
CA: im just  
CA: so  
CA: fukin  
CA: DONE  
AA: oh its about her  
AA: im sorry  
CA: wwhat the hell you gots to be sorry for it aint your fault  
AA: maybe not but im still sorry you have to go through all of that  
AA: and im even more sorry for not really being able to help much  
AA: all i can really say is that you dont deserve it  
AA: and that one day she will realize that shes missing out on a good guy  
CA: ha wwhat a fuckin joke  
CA: i aint a good guy you an i both knoww it  
CA: especially me alright i havve to fuckin wwake up an see my goddam face in the mirror evvery single day  
CA: besides youre always makin fun a me so dont evven humor me  
AA: oh come on now  
AA: i dont actually mean the things i say to you  
AA: alright maybe i do at least a little bit but im just joking around with you!  
AA: youre not exactly an easy pill to swallow you knoww  
CA: see exactly im WWORTHLESS thanks for confirmin thatt  
AA: oh hush  
AA: that doesnt mean youre worthless  
AA: believe it not i bet that deep down underneath that ridiculously pompous exterior of yours is a pretty great guy  
CA: really  
CA: you really think that  
AA: honest!  
CA: i dunno   
CA: youre probably just sayin that to shut me up  
AA: no i really do mean it!  
AA: im hoping i even get to witness it soon  
CA: i doubt it but wwho knowws maybe youre right  
AA: maybe!  
CA: ugh i just wwish she thought the same wway  
CA: i mean i still fuckin LOVVE her you knoww   
CA: fuck  
AA: i understand i truly do  
AA: but sometimes the person thats right for you isnt exactly what you want at first  
CA: yeah wwell there aint no one else linin up to get wwith me an i dont wwant no one else so wwhen am i gonna catch a break  
CA: fuck my head hurts  
CA: this alcohol cant set in fast enough  
AA: perhaps if you tried to show people a nicer side of you then that would change!  
AA: and here  
AA: put the alcohol away  
AA: turn the messenger off  
AA: and go lay down and get some sleep  
AA: its late there and you need some rest  
AA: youve got to be up early tomorrow!  
CA: yeah i do i fuckin completely forgot abt that  
CA: alright fine  
CA: i guess ill go lay dowwn  
AA: good!  
AA: if you really need to talk more though dont hesitate to message me!  
CA: yeah okay  
AA: <3  
CA: hey wwait before i go  
CA: i keep forgettin to ask you wwhat the hell is the deal with the hearts  
CA: i mean dont get me wwrong theyre cute an evverythin but wwhy are you sendin them to me  
CA: unless you actually mean them i dont wwant them you knoww  
CA: ivve been put through enough emotional fuckin torture for twwo lifetimes i think  
AA: well good thing i do mean them then!  
CA: you care about me  
AA: of course i do!  
AA: even though you can be a bit of a jerk youre still my friend  
AA: why wouldnt i  
CA: huh  
CA: wwell alright  
CA: thanks  
AA: :D  
AA: goodnight!  
CA: yeah night  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]  


* * *

caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA] on July 15th, 2011  
CA: i knoww its late ovver there so i dont expect you to respond or anythin  
CA: but i just wwanted to talk about wwhat happened yesterday  
CA: you knoww  
CA: wwhen i kinda  
CA: made an ass of myself  
CA: look i aint usually like that so i hope you dont think im a complete joke  
CA: i dont go around complainin about my problems let alone my lovve life  
CA: last night wwas kinda a fluke you knoww  
CA: just had a bad day is all  
CA: decided to drowwn my issues out wwith a couple a drinks wwith my friend  
CA: hes good to vvent to you knoww   
CA: alwways there to listen wwhen you need him  
CA: evven though hes a little hot headed heh hes a great guy  
CA: anywway yeah i just wwanted to sort of say sorry for burdenin you wwith all a that  
CA: i dunno wwhy i evven thought itd be a good idea to talk to you about it  
CA: not that it wwasnt i mean really you uh  
CA: you helped me out a lot  
CA: so i guess i also wwanted to thank you for puttin up wwith all a that  
CA: cause you really didnt havve to but you did  
CA: so yeah  
CA: thanks  
CA: an i wwas also thinkin about howw  
CA: you knoww wwhat  
CA: nevvermind  
CA: um  
CA: yeah i wwanted to say a feww other things but its probably best if i just dont say anythin  
CA: ivve embarassed myself enough in the past 48 hours  
CA: alright ill leavve you alone noww  
CA: lets agree to nevver bring up this stupid fuckin monologue a mine  
CA: ill message you later on at a more decent hour  
CA: hope youre sleepin wwell  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]  


* * *

apocolypseArisen [AA] began messaging caligulasAquarium [CA] on July 29th, 2011  
AA: are you getting my messages now  
CA: yeah theyre comin through  
AA: okay good!  
AA: sorry about that  
AA: my computer has been acting weird lately  
AA: i had to switch to my phone  
CA: no wworries its probably ovverloaded from us talkin so much on it haha  
AA: i wouldnt doubt it!  
CA: actually hey   
CA: noww that i remember ivve been meanin to bring somethin up  
AA: like what  
CA: wwell you knoww  
CA: wwevve been talkin for almost twwo wwhole months noww  
CA: an i wwas thinkin   
CA: that you knoww  
CA: you should send me a picture  
AA: excuse me  
AA: a picture  
CA: yeah a yourself  
CA: so i knoww wwhat you look like  
AA: are you being serious  
CA: wwell duh i mean look it aint that much trouble  
CA: youre on your phone right noww aint you  
CA: i knoww the messenger app can handle images so just snap a picture or twwo an send it  
AA: im not sending you any pictures of me!  
CA: wwhat wwhy not  
AA: because it wouldnt be fair!  
CA: huh  
AA: heres the deal  
AA: if you send me a picture of you then ill send one of me!  
CA: no wway i already told you before i aint givvin you no pictures  
AA: so you wont show me what you look like but im supposed to show you what i look like  
AA: is that it  
CA: wwell yeah   
CA: i think i deservve it  
AA: you are something else do you know that  
CA: alright FINE  
CA: just  
CA: do wwhat i did then and describe to me wwhat you look like  
AA: why are you so interested in how i look all of a sudden  
AA: where did this sudden burst of interest come from  
CA: come on just givve me some fuckin ideas  
CA: please is that wwhat you wwanna hear  
CA: please  
AA: you know  
AA: youve been acting kind of weird the past few days  
AA: and you could have gone without using the f word just fine  
AA: now i dont think i want to tell you  
CA: i didnt mean nothin by it its just a damn wword alright  
CA: okay fine i take it back howws that  
CA: noww please just tell me  
AA: you sound a bit desperate  
CA: i aint desperate  
AA: and in a hurry  
AA: are you   
AA: you know  
AA: doing something you shouldnt be doing  
CA: WWHAT NO  
CA: i aint doin none a wwhat you think im doin  
CA: i just wwanna knoww   
CA: ivve been kinda wwonderin lately is all  
CA: especially wwhenevver you leavve to take a showwer and youre gone for like EVVER  
CA: wwhat is evven up wwith that  
AA: well i have a lot of hair to wash!  
AA: and brush out afterwards or else itll get really tangled  
CA: really huh  
CA: is it curly  
CA: wwhat color is it  
AA: sort of!  
AA: and its dark brown  
AA: nothing special  
CA: tell me more  
AA: more what  
CA: about wwhat you look like of course  
AA: oh!  
AA: um well i have hazel eyes and id say im a little under average height  
AA: im also on the thicker side in terms of weight i guess  
AA: i dont mind it though!   
CA: heh thats kinda cute  
AA: what is  
CA: evverythin  
CA: you sound real pretty lookin  
AA: thanks!  
CA: kinda sucks you wwont showw me a picture though  
AA: you know the deal  
AA: your picture gets mine!  
CA: yeah yeah so ivve heard  
CA: ill just havve to use my imagination  
AA: seems like it!  
CA: ugh i gotta go theres an emergency at wwork  
CA: fuckin idiots cant do their job i swwear  
AA: well that sounds a bit harsh dont you think  
CA: not at all they kneww wwhat they wwere gettin into wwhen they wwere hired so i aint got no pity for their dumbasses  
CA: ill talk to you later tonight if youre up  
AA: hopefully youll be in a better mood then  
AA: goodbye!  
AA: <3  
CA: yeah hopeful fuckin ly  
CA: bye  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]  


* * *

caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA] on August 8th, 2011  
CA: hey you there  
AA: yup!  
CA: thank GOD i thought i wwas gonna die of boredom if you wwerent  
AA: haha  
AA: nothing to do over there i suppose  
CA: other than wwatch my stupid brother dye his hair no  
CA: i aint got nothin to do its so wweird  
CA: no calls to answwer no emails to read i got too much time on my hands an evveryones too busy to hangout  
AA: you never told me you had a brother  
CA: yeah he livves wwith me   
CA: he aint nothin like me though  
CA: all he does is hit on evveryone an make shitty music  
CA: and he wwonders wwhy no one wwants anythin to do wwith him  
CA: its pretty fuckin sad if you ask me  
AA: i know what you mean in terms of having a sibling who hits on everyone  
AA: my older sister is the same way  
AA: except im sure she does it because nobody can understand her and not because shes actually desperate  
AA: she just likes to see people squirm for some odd reason  
CA: wwhy cant no one understand her  
AA: she speaks in japanese to give people a hard time  
AA: i cant even understand her myself because i only know english  
AA: shes a real treat  
CA: youre japanese  
CA: you didnt say anythin about that  
CA: thats really cool  
AA: i didnt think itd be worth mentioning since you can hardly tell to be honest  
AA: im mixed with a lot of things  
CA: kinda like a mutt huh  
AA: excuse me  
AA: did you just call me a dog  
CA: wwhat no i called you a mutt  
CA: i guess yeah kinda like a dog but thats not wwhat i wwas goin for  
CA: i meant mutt as in you knoww howw mutts got all kinds a different breeds mixed in an wwhatevver  
CA: so yeah  
AA: i dont know whether to be offended or not  
CA: nah   
CA: like evven though purebreds are wworth wway more an are better ovverall  
CA: some mutts are pretty good too  
CA: so its kinda like im complimentin you  
AA: i  
AA: what  
AA: really  
CA: alright wwould multi cultural be a better wword or  
AA: youre saying im "pretty good" for someone who isnt a single ethnicity  
CA: so  
AA: thats incredibly rude!  
CA: ok yeah MAYBE it sounds bad wwhen you say it that wway  
AA: no   
AA: it doesnt just sound bad  
AA: it is bad!  
AA: and downright racist if im being completely honest!  
CA: are you nuts i aint racist  
AA: thinking that someone who isnt a "purebred" is only "pretty good" is racist!  
CA: look there aint nothin wwrong wwith preferrin someone wwhos of a superior bloodline  
AA: oh my god  
CA: an hey i didnt mean YOU specifically wwere pretty good so dont wworry about it  
CA: i think youre actually really great so thats gotta count for somethin right  
AA: you are just  
AA: so  
AA: im done with you  
CA: wwhat  
AA: im not going to waste my time talking to some asshole whos head is stuck in some 1930s era nazi germany  
AA: goodbye  
CA: no wwait  
apocolypseArisen [AA] ceased messaging caligulasAquarium [CA]  
CA: oh COME ON  
CA: IM NOT A NAZI  
CA: ugh   
CA: wwell fuck  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]

* * *

caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA] on August 9th, 2011  
CA: hey  
CA: are you there  
CA: i didnt get a goodnight message from you yesterday  
CA: just wwanted to make sure evverythin is alright  
CA: hello  
CA: come on talk to me   
CA: wwhats up  
CA: seriously youre still upset about the wwhole mutt thing really  
CA: it wwasnt evven that big a deal youre bein ridiculous  
CA: im not racist ok so get that outta your head  
CA: but YOU are definitely bein childish right noww  
CA: so come on get ovver it already  
CA: hello  
CA: wwoww WWHY do i evven put up wwith you  
CA: i already told you that i think youre actually pretty great aint that enough  
CA: IM NOT RACIST alright fuck wwhat more do you wwant from me  
CA: wwhatevver fine be a fuckin bitch about it i dont care  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]  
caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]  
CA: wwait look i didnt mean to call you that  
CA: i guess i just lost my temper there for a second so yeah  
CA: come on talk to me  
AA: what-does-it-mean-to-be-racist.doc  
AA: examples-of-racism.doc  
AA: overcoming-racism.doc  
AA: here are some useful articles from the UCLA sociology department  
AA: i recommend also visiting the library to pick up some books on the subject  
AA: unfortunately i do not have any articles on how to be less of a pretentious asshole  
AA: enjoy your studies  
CA: wwait a second  
apocolypseArisen [AA] ceased messaging caligulasAquarium [CA]  
CA: FUCK  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]

* * *

caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA] on August 13th, 2011  
CA: so i read those articles you sent me   
CA: twice believe it or not  
CA: im gonna be honest and tell you i didnt go the library though cause thats just dumb  
CA: an also i didnt know if you were bein serious  
CA: but i did check out a couple of other things online so i figure that should count for somethin right  
CA: whatever thats not the point the point is that i actually did what you said  
CA: an i  
CA: fuck  
CA: look alright im sure you probably dont wanna talk to me  
CA: actually i KNOW you dont wanna talk to me cause you havent answered any a my messages that i sent you over the past couple a days  
CA: which frankly i dont appreciate if im bein completely honest  
CA: but id really like it if you would just talk to me  
CA: an maybe give me a chance to you know   
CA: apologize  
CA: cause im sorry  
CA: like honest to god i aint just sayin this so we could put this all behind us and move on  
CA: i even stopped with my dumb typin quirk if that means anythin see  
CA: you gotta cut me some slack here if this aint the apology you were lookin for though cause i aint really used to sayin sorry  
CA: never really had to an never thought i WOULD have to  
CA: but those articles got me thinkin about that conversation we had an a lot of other things  
CA: an i guess you could say im a changed man i dunno thats pretty stupid if you ask me  
CA: maybe itd make more sense to say im TRYIN to change  
CA: fuck the point is that im willin alright cause you were right  
CA: you were totally fuckin right  
CA: it aint easy to swallow your pride not for me at least an ill admit that  
CA: so id like it if you didnt throw this back in my face or something later on  
CA: also aa i really hope that you know i think youre great an that i dont think of you as someone below me all genetic issues aside  
CA: which like i said im workin on dealin with but yeah  
CA: i still think youre a mutt cause come on its a fuckin FACT since you got all kinds a different ethnicities   
CA: but i also understand that dont make you any less of a person than me now  
CA: actually i guess you could say im kinda jealous cause it just makes you more unique  
CA: but yeah i totally think of you as an equal if that counts for anythin  
CA: an im gonna do my best to start treatin you as such cause its true  
CA: cause if theres anythin i learned over the past few days besides the stuff i read  
CA: its that you dont fuckin joke around when youre ignorin someone  
CA: an also that losin you as a whatever it is youre supposed to be to me would fuckin blow  
CA: youre probably the only real friend ive ever had that i made on my own and didnt have forced onto me from childhood or somethin  
CA: an dont laugh but goin to bed without those stupid goodnight messages a yours especially with the hearts just aint the same  
CA: so there i just laid it all out like a fuckin loser now waitin to hear what youve gotta say  
CA: you probably aint even gonna answer me im fuckin pathetic  
CA: alright well thanks for even listenin if you did  
CA: i appreciate it  
CA: thanks for everythin  
AA: wow  
AA: ive got to hand it to you  
AA: i certainly wasnt expecting such a lovely apology!  
CA: holy SHIT you actually responded  
CA: an yeah well you better believe that shit was heartfelt as fuck  
AA: i can tell!  
AA: it must have been very hard for you to say sorry  
AA: also you can resume your quirk if youd like  
CA: i cant tell if you wwere bein sarcastic but thanks  
CA: its fuckin wweird typin wwithout it cause im so used to it  
AA: dont worry  
AA: i wasnt being sarcastic  
AA: i really do think it was tough for you to apologize  
CA: it wwas  
CA: but i really meant it   
CA: and it wwas wworth it see youre talkin to me  
CA: so are you gonna actually stick around noww  
AA: no  
CA: oh  
CA: so i guess you just wwanted to say youre done wwith me huh  
AA: wrong again!  
AA: you couldnt be farther from the truth  
AA: i accept your apology  
CA: wwhat really  
CA: then wwhy aint you gonna talk to me  
AA: because im late for class!  
AA: i just came in to grab my phone and the books that i forgot  
AA: and i happened to notice that you had messaged me  
CA: so  
CA: wwere cool noww  
CA: like wwe can talk after you get out of class  
AA: sure!  
CA: wwoww  
CA: like ok dont get me wwrong im fuckin ecstactic that youre not mad at me anymore  
CA: but i just  
CA: i dont understand howw you can forgivve me so easily wwhen you wwere hellbent on ignorin me no more than 30 minutes ago  
AA: just because i forgive you doesnt mean im not still mad at you because i am  
AA: even though i accept your apology  
AA: which i have no doubts whatsoever was “heartfelt as fuck”  
AA: im still very upset with you!  
CA: yet you still wwanna talk to me  
AA: of course i do  
AA: because everything that you told me just proved me right  
CA: right about wwhat  
AA: that youre not so bad and that you do have a heart!  
AA: and if youre honestly willing to work on your problems then im willing to talk to you  
AA: because id hate for us to stop talking just as much as you would  
AA: youre a pretty cool guy underneath all that pompous douchiness!   
AA: :D  
CA: i cant tell if you just complimented me or insulted me  
AA: welcome to the club  
CA: look im just glad wwere alright noww  
CA: an hey if you wwant wwhen you get back from class   
CA: maybe wwe can wwatch a movvie  
CA: wwe havvent done that in a wwhile  
CA: you can evven pick an i wwont bitch if its a one a those silly ghost movvies  
AA: that sounds awesome!  
CA: great ill be wwaiting for ya  
AA: bye!  
AA: <3  
CA: heh  
CA: <3  
apocolypseArisen [AA] ceased messaging aligulasAquarium [CA]  


* * *

apocolypseArisen [AA] began messaging caligulasAquarium [CA] on August 20th, 2011  
AA: alright im back!  
CA: finally  
CA: you took your swweet time didnt you  
AA: well cooking is an artform that cant be rushed you know  
CA: you wwere makin mac an cheese  
CA: an not evven the good kind it wwas that kraft boxed shit  
AA: hey that is the best kind!  
CA: no wway its disgustin  
AA: please  
AA: your taste in food is just as horrible as your taste in fashion!  
AA: :P  
CA: hey noww you cant evven make fun a me for that anymore since youre the one wwho helped me pick out wwhat to buy  
CA: so if anyones to blame for my fashion sense its you  
AA: yeah now you actually look normal  
AA: haha just kidding!  
CA: heh you better be  
CA: that fuckin swweater vvest is itchy as hell  
AA: but i bet you look great in it  
CA: yeah i did get quite a feww compliments on it so i gotta givve that to you  
CA: evven SHE said i looked real good actually  
AA: oh really  
AA: how have things been with her by the way  
AA: you havent brought her up at all lately  
CA: aint no reason to bring her up really   
CA: havvent evven been thinkin too much about her either  
CA: not in that sense anyway wwhich is amazin  
CA: my minds kinda been on someone else you knoww  
AA: and who might that be if i may ask  
CA: im not tellin you  
AA: aw why not!  
CA: cause you should already knoww  
AA: is it me  
CA: maybe wwho knowws  
AA: 0u0  
CA: oh god not that dumb face again  
AA: yeah it does look pretty stupid doesnt it  
AA: anyways  
AA: what were we talking about before i had to go  
CA: i asked wwhat you wwanted to do after college  
CA: like you knoww wwhat you wwere lookin to do longterm in life  
AA: oh yeah!  
AA: wow thats got to be the first time you ever asked about my interests  
CA: yeah i kinda realized that too but ivve been wwonderin a lot lately  
CA: besides you knoww all about wwhat i wwanna do an stuff but i dunno about you  
CA: that dont seem fair if you ask me  
AA: well i was planning on doing exactly what im doing now after i graduate  
CA: wwhat like goin around the wworld an diggin holes   
CA: really  
AA: yeah why not!  
AA: its fun the pay is great you get to meet all kinds of new people and travel and most of all learn!  
CA: i mean i guess that sounds nice an all on paper or wwhatevver but like  
CA: are you evver gonna actually be home  
AA: of course ill be home  
AA: ill be home a lot!  
CA: wwhat will do you then  
AA: probably work in a museum or in a university lab analyzing data  
AA: maybe even teaching a college course!  
CA: hmm  
AA: hmm what  
CA: so wwhen you leavve howw long wwill you be gone for  
AA: you seem to be quite interested in where ill be haha  
AA: but it can range anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months usually  
AA: its actually why my ex broke up with me you know  
CA: wwhat he broke up wwith you cause youd be gone a lot  
AA: yeah  
AA: i guess the fact that my job occasionally requires extensive travel wasnt his favorite thing in the world  
CA: wwell thats stupid   
CA: couldnt he a came wwith you or somethin  
AA: in a lot of cases yes he could have  
AA: he was a bit of a homebody though  
CA: i am too but id a gone wwith you if you wwere gonna be gone for more than 2 wweeks so he aint got no fuckin excuse  
AA: really  
CA: really wwhat  
AA: youd really come with me  
CA: a course   
CA: i mean i aint the biggest fan a meetin neww people an there aint no fuckin wway im gonna be rollin in the mud wwith you  
CA: but that dont mean i wwouldnt go an wwait for you back at our room or hotel or wwhat the fuck evver you got wwhen youre out there  
AA: you have no idea how much that means to me  
AA: thank you  
AA: :D  
CA: id make a smiley face but all a them are fuckin dumb lookin but youre wwelcome  
AA: haha  
AA: i wish i could have seen this side of you much earlier!  
CA: wwhat do you mean  
AA: you know   
AA: how youre being a lot more nicer and sort of even fun!  
AA: what made you open up  
CA: heh wwouldnt you like to knoww  
AA: uh yeah actually!  
CA: hey hold on i gotta swwitch to my phone  
CA: be right back  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]  


* * *

apocolypseArisen [AA] began messaging caligulasAquarium [CA] on August 26th, 2011  
AA: goodmorning!  
AA: 0u0  
AA: are you awake  
AA: get up sleepyhead  
AA: hey wake up!  
CA: ugh mornin  
CA: its too early for this bullshit  
CA: can i just crawl back into bed  
AA: you can go back to sleep after your presentation  
CA: fuck that stupid powwerpoint its dumb  
CA: i dont wwanna do it i dont wwanna go to that meetin  
AA: you put so much time and effort into it though!  
AA: plus im sure it looks great  
AA: not that i can be certain since youre so secretive about it for some reason  
AA: but im sure youll win over these clients of yours!  
CA: pfft a course ill win them ovver there aint no doubt about that  
CA: i just wwould rather stay in and catch some shut eye ya know  
CA: fuck im so tired  
AA: hey i tried to tell you to go to sleep early last night but youre the one who wanted to stay up so late!  
CA: wwell wwe wwere talkin an i didnt wwanna stop  
AA: and now you have to pay the price  
AA: was it worth it  
CA: definitely  
CA: wwe dont get to talk enough cause of the fuckin time difference its ridiculous  
AA: i agree but you cant put your job on the line just to talk with some girl in france  
CA: but you aint just some girl wwhat are you talkin about  
CA: i mean sure at first you wwere but things are different noww right  
AA: yet you still wont tell me your name or let me see what you look like  
CA: youll find all that out wwhen wwe meet wwhen you come back to towwn  
AA: i dont want to wait that long though!  
AA: will you at least just humor me and tell me what it is you even do for a job  
AA: what is the big deal with this powerpoint and these contracts you talk about  
AA: who are these important people youre supposed to be meeting with all the time  
CA: i get them to sign contracts sayin that theyll buy or rent marine vvessels  
CA: i aint sayin nothin more alright so dont expect a full description   
AA: marine vessels  
AA: so  
AA: youre a boat salesman  
CA: sure i guess  
AA: thats what youre so secretive about  
AA: i dont see why you couldnt have told me sooner  
CA: i dont really sell boats though but like i said i aint givvin you a full description a my job  
AA: okay okay!  
AA: you dont need to get snappy with me  
CA: i aint gettin snappy i just  
CA: look i gotta go im gonna be late alright ill message you later to tell you if i got the contract signed or not  
AA: i thought you said you had no doubts about winning them over  
CA: yeah and i WWILL  
AA: youre nervous  
CA: no im not  
AA: youre a little nervous  
CA: i aint nervvous ivve got this in the bag  
AA: its okay  
AA: youll do great  
AA: i promise!  
CA: you think so really  
AA: i honestly do  
CA: thanks  
AA: <3  
CA: <3  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]  
  
caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA] on August 26th, 2011  
CA: hey   
CA: so wwoww i got the contract signed  
CA: im fuckin RELIEVVED about it alright it wwas one a my biggest clients evver  
CA: hey are you there  
AA: woo!  
AA: sorry i was doing some laundry and didnt notice that you messaged me  
AA: but either way congratuations!  
AA: i knew youd do it!  
CA: yeah haha i mean i kneww i wwas gonna get them anywway but still  
AA: oh hush  
AA: admit it  
AA: you thought you werent going to  
CA: are you kiddin me no wway   
AA: you are so full of yourself sometimes i swear  
CA: so uh hey  
CA: you should givve me your address  
AA: what   
AA: why  
CA: so i can send you somethin duh thats wwhy  
AA: why would you send me something though  
AA: or even what would you send me  
CA: god you ask too many questions just givve me your address alright i just wwanna send you somethin  
AA: it cant wait until i come home like everything apparently can  
CA: no this is important i gotta send it noww  
AA: fine  
AA: i forgot you had to have everything your way haha  
AA: ill send it to you in an email so it doesnt get lost among our conversations  
CA: do it noww so i can send it tonight wwhen i go to class  
AA: done and done!  
AA: i cant really stick around to talk much right now though  
AA: i need to finish up folding clothes and get ready for my classmates party  
CA: youre goin to a party  
CA: wwill you have your phone on you so wwe can talk  
AA: well i was planning on leaving my phone in my room  
CA: wwhy not bring it wwith you  
AA: because i want to enjoy the party and not get distracted!  
CA: oh  
CA: wwell alright i guess i think you shoud take your phone though  
CA: cause i mean it might be a borin party an i mean you can talk to me if it is  
CA: plus wwhat if theres an emergency you should alwways be prepared right  
AA: you dont want me to go do you  
CA: i wwas just hopin wwe could talk a little longer  
AA: ill talk to you tomorrow i promise!  
CA: alright fine i guess thats cool  
CA: you gonna be drinkin or wwhat  
AA: perhaps!  
CA: if you do be careful alright just bring your phone in case you need it  
CA: an maybe just shoot me a message evvery couple a hours   
CA: so i knoww youre okay an evverythin  
AA: if it will make you feel better then okay i will  
CA: is that one guy roommate a yours gonna be there too  
AA: oh my god  
AA: bye!  
apocolypseArisen [AA] ceased messaging caligulasAquarium [CA]  


* * *

apocolypseArisen [AA] began messaging caligulasAquarium [CA] on September 7th, 2011  
AA: so i just got the package that you sent  
AA: and   
AA: oh my god  
AA: i dont even know what to say!  
CA: haha you like it  
CA: did i pick the right color  
AA: yes i love it but are you insane!  
AA: you wont even tell me your name but youll buy me things worth a weeks pay  
AA: i mean this coat costs $500!  
CA: wwell you said that you liked it that one time so i figured wwhy not  
AA: i thought that we were just showing each other things that we thought were nice!  
CA: wwe wwere but i wwanted to get you that so sue me  
CA: besides itll start to be gettin pretty chilly soon enough an if youre gonna be there in december then wwoww   
CA: itll probably be fuckin cold as ice so that can keep you nice an wwarm  
CA: i evven sent you a matchin scarf i think youll like it   
CA: it should be in the same box check under the wwrapping  
CA: i got the same one cept its in blue  
AA: oh  
AA: my  
AA: god  
CA: wwhat you dont like it do you  
AA: no no i love it!  
AA: i absolutely love it  
AA: its perfect!  
AA: but  
CA: but wwhat  
AA: you do know its actually pretty warm here  
AA: september is actually a really nice month here in france!  
AA: and even in december it usually isnt cold enough for snow  
CA: fuck  
CA: i guess i should havve done some research on the wweather there huh  
AA: well hey i can always use it for the days that its really cold though  
AA: especially for when i come back home!  
CA: yeah youre right  
CA: but you really like it  
CA: like wwould you rather return it an get yourself somethin else cause i got the reciept  
AA: no way i love it  
AA: this is the exact one ive been wanting forever!  
AA: thank you so much  
AA: youre the best!  
CA: <3  
AA: <3  
CA: if you think thats nice wwait til you see wwhat else i sent ya  
AA: wait  
AA: what  
CA: heh  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've realized that I completely forgot that god tier Aradia's quirk uses occasional question marks but I'm way too lazy to go back and fix it all so whoops.

You’re not entirely sure why things have been so slow for an early Monday afternoon, but you’re not going to complain. If anything, you appreciate the fact that your phone has only rung twice in the past hour and that not a single urgent email has graced your inbox. To make things even better, Cronus’ stereo system suffered an electrical short due to the storm last night, so there’s no shitty music to put up with. Things are almost too good to be true.

With a smirk, you pick up the stack of recently signed-and-stamped contracts and other legal documents and dump them into an empty manilla folder, sealing it shut to be dropped off at corporate the next time you pop in for a visit to make sure things are running smoothly.

That’s it. 

You’re done.

You let out a long sigh and lean forward, resting your chin on the heel of an open palm. As much as you appreciate the extra free time finishing early has granted you, you’re already bored with nothing to do. You idly wonder if Karkat is busy and if he’d be up to see a movie.

Out of the corner of your eye you notice that AA has apparently been online for quite some time, yet hasn’t initiated a conversation. Perhaps she’s waiting for you to do it? You decide to shoot her a message since it’s been about a good twelve hours since the last time the two of you spoke.

CA: hey wwhats up  
CA: hello  
CA: you there  
AA: sorry!  
AA: im playing this game and i couldnt see the chat client unless i minimized the window  
CA: oh thats alright  
AA: i hope you dont take this the wrong way but can we possibly talk later?  
AA: its not easy to multi task right now  
CA: oh wwell i guess sure  
CA: wwait wwhat are you playin if i might ask  
AA: if i tell you then youll probably laugh at me  
CA: no i wwont  
CA: is it like one a those online multiplayer games cause your profile did say you liked those an you knoww i actually play one myself believve it or not  
AA: really?  
AA: what do you play?  
CA: wwoww  
AA: i dont think i know what wwoww is  
AA: is it new?  
CA: wwhat no  
CA: i meant wworld of wwarcraft  
AA: oh!  
AA: no way me too!  
CA: is that wwhat youre playin right noww  
AA: yes actually  
CA: huh wwell you should a told me sooner that you played wwoww cause wwe could a did that together you knoww  
AA: i guess i should have!  
AA: anyway im just spending some time with my good friends back home  
AA: it feels like its been forever since ive last talked to them  
CA: oh  
CA: so does that mean i cant join in  
AA: hmm i dont know  
AA: let me check!  
CA: its alright wwe can play some other time or somethin  
AA: no no no  
AA: i asked and they said itd be fine  
CA: oh alright cool  
CA: so uh should i meet you somewwhere or wwhat  
AA: meet me outside of ruttheran village in the maelstrom realm  
AA: there should be a pretty big group of players which are my friends and i  
CA: on my wway  


The chat window gets pushed back momentarily when you bring up the World of Warcraft login screen. You type in your information and prepare yourself while everything loads, pushing paper clips and business notes to the side in favor of plugging in your headset and adjusting the volume. You leave it on the desk for now—there probably won’t be a use for it since you’re a little wary about AA hearing your voice.

Time passes on your virtual journey to meet up with AA and the chat icon bounces in the dock. She’s probably wondering what’s taking you so long, but in your defense Ruttheran Village is a bit of a ways from where you left off last. Before you go to check her messages, you notice that a lot of the usernames belonging to people in your guild are currently online, illuminated green in the voice chat tab... all of them besides Sollux, actually. 

With a quirked brow, you pick up the headset and experimentally hold it to your ear, hearing the muffled yet still distinguishable voices of some of your friends.

“Can someone please tell me what the fuck happened to all of the gold in the guild bank?” Karkat asks. He sounds as if he’s about ready to burst a blood vessel. “I’m absolutely fucking _positive_ that there was at least five mil in there two nights ago—who’s in charge of the guild band? Feferi?”

“Well, actually, I thought it’d be nice to put Mituna in charge!” Feferi chirps cheerfully. The audible sound of someone facepalming themselves follows and you’re certain it was Karkat. “He’d been asking about the position for quite some time, you know!” 

“Mituna? You put _Mituna_ in charge of managing the guild bank? Feferi, are you out of your fucking mind! This is worse than the time you suggested Eridan’s stupid ass brother play with us, I swear to God—okay, it’s alright. Deep breaths. I just need to... ahhh,” Karkat lets out a deep sigh and pauses for a moment before asking as calmly as he possibly can, which really isn’t that calm at all, “Mituna; what did you do with the gold that was in the guild bank?”

The other Captor’s less-nasally and more-broken voice rings out. “Huh?”

“The gold, Mituna. In the bank. What. Did. You. Do. With. It.”

“I... don’t know?”

“You don’t know what you did with _all of the fucking gold_ you were in charge of watching, asshat?” 

“I think—I think I... dropped it.”

You can practically hear Karkat grinding his teeth through the headset, which you’d decided to properly wear so that you could hear better. Before Karkat gets the chance to rip Mituna a new asshole, Feferi is doing her best to placate the situation while Latula assures her damaged boyfriend off-mic that Karkat doesn’t hate him and that it’s not his fault.

“It’s uh, not a big deal!” Tavros adds in a few of his own reassuring words amidst the insane chatter. “We all make mistakes, right? So um, I guess we can just look at this as, you know, a lesson learned.”

“Excuse me, Tavros. I know you weren’t attempting to be offensive just then, but using the term _lesson learned_ can be offensive to some of our lesser-privileged guildmates, specifically Mituna himself who suffers from brain damage and therefore may have difficulty learning. I, as well as the rest of the guild, I’m sure, would appreciate it if you’d check your privileges and remember to state any trigger warnings beforehand.”

 _“You_ need a trigger warning for boring people to death,” Vriska quips.

More people continue to add in their own two cents, making your head start to spin with the ridiculous amount of conversations taking place all at once. Eventually it becomes too much to bare and you can’t stop yourself from asking, “What the hell is goin’ on?”

Everyone shuts up almost immediately. There’s a faint _’shit’_ from someone and a _’shh’_ from another, but otherwise the whole guild is speechless, keeping their mouths shut as if you’d hopefully fail to notice them and saunter on your way like some sort of stupid dog.

“Oh God,” Well, _almost_ the whole guild is speechless. “Feferi, I thought you said that neither of them were going to be online!” That voice is almost unidentifiable, and it takes a second until you’re able to peg it as belonging to a certain somebody that you haven’t seen since she maimed you with a door, online or otherwise.

Feferi doesn’t give an immediate response, which ruffles your feathers even more so than they already are. If she thinks she could just go unnoticed among the crowd, she’d better think again.

“What is she talkin’ about, Fef?”

There’s a small _’drat’_ from her and she clears her throat. “Aradia, I didn’t tell him anything about the guild getting together today! And Eridan, I already told you before that Aradia doesn’t play with us when—”

“So you’re all havin’ a guild party without me? What, did you forget to invite me or somethin’, my invitation get lost in the fuckin’ mail?”

“Nobody forgot anything; you simply weren’t invited is all,” Aradia says. “Unfortunately, your presence is like a repellant for me so it’s hard to enjoy the company of my friends when you’re around.”

“Yeah, well your whole _existence_ is a formidable fuckin’ joke,” you sneer heatedly. You’re so angry that you’re not even aware you’re clenching the mouse so hard that it’s about to crack. “An’ it’s not my fault you can’t handle the truth, bein’ that you’re nothin’ but trouble an’ a waste a’ oxygen an’ all.”

“ _I’m_ the waste of oxygen?” she asks incredulously, her voice raising considerably before there’s a sigh and a bit of rustling on her end. “You know what, I really don’t have the time for this. Feferi, thanks for inviting me, but I think I’m done for the day.”

“What—no! But we were just about to go questing!” Feferi whines. “Just stay a little longer, Eridan won’t bother you anymore—right, Eridan?”

You scoff. “I don’t care, ain’t like I’m stickin’ around anyway since apparently I’m not even welcome, and especially not if I’m gonna be subjected to puttin’ up with the likes a’ _her,_ ” The chat messenger icon is still bouncing in the dock, and you hope that you haven’t kept AA waiting too long for a reply. “I ain’t got time for your games, anyways. I got plans with someone else.”

There aren’t any hushed gasps or whispers among the members of your guild like you were hoping there’d be when you let them in on the fact that one Eridan Ampora had actual plans with another human being that weren’t any of them. Feferi is the only one who cares enough to ask who, and Aradia cuts in before you can answer with, “He’s probably just making it up.”

“Fuck you, alright? I ain’t lyin’ about nothin’, I really do got plans with someone—an’ if you were by any chance wonderin’, it’s a girl.” _Now_ the whispers begin. You roll your eyes at the simple-mindedness of these fools. “Not that you even deserve to know.”

“Wait, ED is for real talking to a girl?” Sollux comes out of nowhere, earning an exasperated groan from both Aradia and yourself. “Also, how come I didn’t get a heads up that today was a guild day, FF?”

The little _bloop_ noise that plays whenever someone logs off sounds, and you notice that Aradia’s avatar is nowhere to be found. You decide to take a page from her book just this once and sign out without even issuing a semi-proper goodbye and a ‘fuck you’ to Sollux. You didn’t want to hang around any longer than you had to—screw those guys for not inviting you.

You brood for a moment on Feferi and how she had wronged you, especially. Perhaps ignoring her for a few days would get her to feel half as bad as you do now. Seriously, leaving you out of a group get-together so that someone else could tag along? What part of ‘best friends’ did she not understand?

Maybe ignoring her isn’t the best route to take, and instead you should write her a handwritten letter going into great detail about how she—

Shit, you totally forgot.

AA: its been almost 10 minutes i dont see you anywhere  
AA: did you get lost or something?  
AA: oh no  
AA: nevermind about playing the game  
AA: there was sort of a change of plans i guess  
AA: some people who werent supposed to be there showed up and completely ruined it!  
AA: are you there?  
AA: i hope youre not still searching for me i logged out already  
CA: wwhoa sorry i guess i wwasnt payin attention an didnt notice you said anythin  
CA: but its ok i mean believve it or not the same thing sorta happened to me too  
CA: like i ran into some friends an it just didnt turn out to be a good time cause they wwere havvin a guild party wwithout me like the fuckin jerks they are an i guess i sorta crashed it  
CA: servves them fuckin right  
AA: they were having a party without you?  
AA: they sound like horrible friends im sorry :(  
CA: ugh you havve no idea they nevver fuckin appreciate me or anythin  
CA: but wwhatevver i dont wwanna really evven wworry about them right noww  
CA: wwhat happened wwith you though wwho showwed up that ruined evverythin  
AA: do you remember i think the first time we talked and i mentioned you reminded me of someone that i know and i said he was a complete spaz?  
CA: howw could i forget i mean you called me a spazz wwhen its clear i aint one  
AA: no youre definitely a spaz!  
AA: but wow i am so sorry for ever comparing you to him because you are nothing like that guy  
AA: well actually you are like him alot but youre not a huge tool like he is  
CA: youre basically callin me a tool in the nicest wway possible you do realize this right  
CA: but ill let it slide for noww i suppose cause you seem tense  
AA: oh shush!  
AA: you already know that i think youre wonderful and even quite sweet so dont even go there  
CA: heh alright  
CA: so wwas that the guy then  
AA: ugh yes  
AA: he just showed up out of nowhere and completely killed my good mood  
CA: im sorry  
CA: you wwant me to find him and givve him wwhat for  
CA: wwill that cheer you up  
AA: oh god no i dont want you fighting anybody!  
CA: you sure cause i got a pretty mean right hook  
AA: youre funny :p  
CA: see you think im jokin but im bein dead serious right noww  
AA: serious or not fighting wont make anything better  
AA: if anything itll make things worse because he will probably try to sue you for messing up his stupid hair!  
CA: really hes that pathetic  
AA: you have no idea  
AA: and as if things werent bad enough already my ex showed up to!!  
CA: thats wweird  
CA: i mean  
CA: wwait a sec youre sayin this JUST happened  
AA: yeah  
AA: i havent even talked to sollux since march since i do my best to avoid him so you could imagine how awkward that would have been if id of actually stuck around!  


Your hands feel like lead all of a sudden on the keyboard as you read over that name at least six more times until you’re certain that you’re not seeing things. No matter how long you stare, the letters don’t rearrange themselves or just completely disappear altogether.

CA: sol  
AA: oh woops!!  
AA: i didnt mean to let his name slip out that was an accident  
CA: your ex is sol  
CA: as in like sollux captor  
AA: yeah!  
AA: you know him?  
CA: are you kiddin me i HATE that lispin fuckin douche gettin in the wway a evverythin  
CA: hes the one wwhos  
CA: oh  
CA: oh fuck  


No.

AA: hes the one who what?  
CA: if sol is your ex then youvve gotta be ar  
AA: ar?  
CA: dont play dumb wwith me ok aradia megido is wwhat i meant  
CA: thats you though aint it youre aradia  
AA: oh my god you do know who i am!  
AA: see i told you that we might know each other!  


_No._

CA: IS THIS SOME SORTA JOKE A COURSE WWE KNOWW EACH OTHER  
CA: jesus fuckin CHRIST i cant believve this  
AA: 0_0  
AA: i feel like im missing something here  
CA: really ar  
CA: you fuckin think so  
CA: just  


You let out a discontented growl and run your hands through your hair, doing your best to keep yourself from grabbing fistfuls and yanking it out in frustration. This can’t be real. There’s no possible way that the girl you’ve been talking to for the past three months is actually Aradia Megido.

...but what if she actually is?

CA: showw me a picture a you  
AA: excuse me?  
CA: you read that right showw me a picture a you  
CA: right noww  
AA: i dont appreciate the tone of your words very much  
CA: wwhat tone wwe aint speakin there aint no tone  
AA: you know the rules ca  
AA: if you get to see me then i get to see you  
CA: oh please if youre really wwho i think you are then i already KNOWW wwhat you look like  
CA: just showw me a picture a you so i can be sure youre really ar  
AA: hmm  
AA: fine  
AA: 0110826.jpeg  
CA: huh that aint ar  
CA: are you tryin to pull a fast one on me or somethin cause i aint daft  
AA: no that was simply a test to see if you were lying about knowing me  
AA: and apparently you passed with flying colors  
CA: fuckin great noww showw me a real one  
AA: 0150778.jpeg  


Every second that passes as the file downloads feels like eternity, and when you’re finally able to open it, it’s like everything is happening far too quickly for you to handle. Either way, you swallow the nervous lump in your throat and shakily double-click the image file, and any possible feeling of hatred, disgust, or some other generally unpleasant emotion seem to melt the moment it pops up on your screen.

Standing outside in front of what seemed to be an old cemetery, leaning back against a worn out wrought-iron fence with the red-striped scarf you’d gotten her wrapped loosely around her neck is Aradia Megido, wearing the biggest smile you’ve ever seen, her hair just as wild as you can remember from the few times you’d actually paid any attention to her. You sort of wish you’d of done that a lot more now, because she’s absolutely gorgeous.

Your stomach churns uneasily at this realization.

AA: you still there?  
CA: yeah im just thinkin  
AA: about what?  
AA: and is everything alright?  
AA: i mean you sort of freaked out and i hate to say it but youre being a bit of an ass  
CA: i knoww  
CA: you just sorta  
CA: caught me by surprise is all  
AA: i understand that but i mean that wasnt a reason to be so rude!  
CA: sorry i guess  
AA: ugh youre so frustrating sometimes  
AA: so if you know who i am do i know who you are?  
CA: uh no  
AA: how can you be so sure of that  
AA: plus didnt you just say that we knew each other?  
CA: i just am alright stop askin so many questions  
AA: see there you go again being an ass  
CA: i cant do this right noww  
CA: ivve gotta go  
AA: cant do what?  
CA: this is just wway too much an i need some time to get my mind in order  
CA: im sorry  


Before she can question you any further, you sign out of the messenger client and leave your office, not even bothering to lock the door so that Cronus doesn’t snoop around through the business files and possibly muck things up like he always does. Your father’s business and your dumb brother are the farthest things from your mind at the moment as you slowly trudge your way up the stairs to your bedroom, where you kick the door shut without enthusiasm.

You’re not sure why your clothes feel so restrictive so you pull off your shirt and shed your pants before unceremoniously falling forward on your bed, face down into a pillow. When you’ve depleted your air supply, you turn over so that you can breathe. It can’t possibly be any later than two o’clock, yet you feel completely drained and tired all of a sudden.

When you close your eyes, you can’t help but re-create the image of Aradia you’d just seen minutes earlier. The second you noticed that she was wearing the scarf...

_That fucking scarf._

As if you weren’t already dealing with enough conflicting emotions.

Your begin to feel a bit dizzy when out of nowhere, all the times you’d insulted and made fun of her decide to flash through your mind like some sort of horrible montage, making your blood run cold.

You shudder.

You roll over onto your side and glare at your cell phone on the bedside table. You momentarily consider logging back in real quick so that you could download the picture to your phone for your viewing pleasure but you’re too afraid to see what messages Aradia has left for you to come back to, so you sigh and shimmy yourself under the blanket to keep yourself warm instead.

Wait—why are you nervous?

Better yet, why on earth would you want to keep her picture on your phone?

You resist the urge to grab the pillow next to you and slam it down over your head, opting to anxiously pick and tug at the white sheets instead. Once a good amount of your stress has been transferred to the sizable hole in them and the tips of your fingers are red and sore, you’re able to actually settle down enough to lay still until you find yourself drifting off to sleep.

Hopefully you’ll be able to think more clearly after a nap.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feferi gets added to the already complicated mix that is Aradia and Eridan's relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a hot mess, and ask me if i have a goddamn clue about how world of warcraft actually works

“I’m gonna go out for a late lunch with some of the others before class starts, wanna come?” Sam asks from his side of the room, hunched over forward to tie his shoes. He’s got dirt smudges all over his jeans from the last time the two of you were out at the digsite two days ago.

You turn to him and take off your headset. The sound of Tavros and Vriska arguing over the guild chat disappears. “Thanks, but I’m okay. Plus I’m sort of busy right now anyway,” you say with a nod at the computer screen where you’ve been questing with a few of your friends back home for the past hour or so. You don’t get to play with them often due to the time difference and the fact that Sollux and Eridan are usually online, so you take whatever you can get.

Sam rolls his eyes playfully and laughs. “Still talkin’ to that dude, huh?”

“That’s none of your business,” You say with the best straight face you can muster, which isn’t very good at all since you’re certain that your cheeks are beet red and the slight smile tugging at your lips is noticeable enough. “But if you absolutely must know, I’m not speaking to him at the moment, I’m just playing World of Warcraft.”

“Mhmm,” Sam hums while giving his blonde hair a short tousle in the mirror. “You’re probably just waiting until I leave so that you can have weird kinky webcam sex with him. Don’t act like I don’t know.”

_“Sam!”_

“You want me to bring you anything?”

“No, just go away!”

He chuckles and heads for the door, shaking his head and mumbling about how eager you are to be alone. You let out a sigh once the door shuts and locks, thanking the heavens that he was out of your hair for at least a little while. Sam was an awesome roommate, but he teased (albeit playful) you way too much about chatting with CA, which whom you haven’t even talked to in a little over 3 days now.

After his little outburst, he hasn’t been online or answered back to a single message from you, and if you were being totally honest you’d admit that you’re worried, and maybe even a little upset. You’ve tried not to think about it too much, though—it’s not like the two of you had anything serious going on, so who cares if he never talked to you again... right?

caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]  
CA: hey ar  
CA: its me

Speak of the devil.

Still feeling a bit jaded of his antics from the last time the two of you spoke, you decide to ignore him for a bit and push his chat box to the background. It’s not that you were even mad at him, though you definitely think you have a right to be; it’s just that you weren’t feeling too enthusiastic about dealing with him and his (most likely) pompous and overdramatic attitude at the moment, despite sort of actually missing it.

You jolt out of your thoughts when you remember that you had been in the middle of a boss battle when Sam interrupted you and rush to get your headset back on. You bring the World of Warcraft window back up and are surprised when you don't hear a single one of your guildmates flipping their shit.

Feferi’s username is pulsing green in your friends list, meaning that she was attempting to start a one-on-one voice chat. You take a second to notice that the whole guild chat is empty for some reason before clicking 'accept' and clearing your throat. The sound of CA sending a message or two could be heard in the background with a _ping_.

“Aradia!” Feferi squeals cheerfully. You cringe at the loudness of her voice and dial down the volume a bit, but can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm. “I was starting to worry about you—You just disappeared on us, and I’ve been sending you voice requests for the past 5 minutes!”

“Sam kind of distracted me for a minute there, sorry,” you apologize. “Hey, what happened to everyone? The whole guild chat is empty.”

“There was kind of a small disagreement among everyone on how to beat the final boss, so everyone split up into different teams. It’s not permanent, though!” she adds in the last part hurriedly. “You weren’t answering any of us so we couldn’t really decide on what team to put you on!”

“Oh,” you say a bit distantly as you attempt to ignore the constant sound of CA’s messages that seemed to speed up. Part of you wanted to just continue brushing him off, but a much bigger part of you wanted to see what he had to say. “What team are you on?”

“I’m actually not on one, I’m just doing some skilling for a little while... hey, are you alright? You sound kind of sad, Aradia!”

_Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping._

“I’m fine.”

“Come on, you know that you can talk to me about anything; I won’t judge!” she urges. “I even helped out Cronus a few times, you know.”

You knit your brows together and scrunch up your nose. “What on Earth could you possibly help that sad sack of despair with?” You don’t know much about him at all except for the fact that he’s Eridan’s older brother, which should be more than enough, and from the stories your sister has told you about how pathetic he was since they used to (or still do?) sort of mess around, so you momentarily feel sorry for referring to him as such until you remember that he is, after all, an Ampora.

Feferi sighs. “He’s not _that_ bad... I mean, he’s got potential, he really does!” she defends him. “But I mostly just listened to him vent about my sister, that’s all. It was only a couple of times on a whim when he was in the guild for a day or two, really.”

You were not aware that Cronus was ever a part of the guild. “He’s into Meenah?”

“Something like that!” she giggles. “But hey, this isn’t about him, it’s about you! Talk to me!”

“It’s not important, it’s just... you know, sort of a guy problem.”

You can practically hear the devious grin spreading over her lips at that moment. “Is this about a certain online suitor that I’ve heard quite a bit about over the past few weeks?”

Your cheeks flush red and you shrug nervously, even though she can’t see you. “Yes, and he’s being a bit of an ass... perhaps talking to you about it would be a good idea since you do have a lot of experience in dealing with asses—you _are_ best friends with one, after all.”

She laughs. “He can be a little rough around the edges, sure, but Eridan has quite a few redeeming qualities. Plus, deep down he’s a nice guy!”

_Ping. Ping._

“There’s no quality redeemable enough to make up for the fact he wears a scarf almost constantly, regardless of the weather.”

“It’s sort of like a security blanket for him more than anything, really,” she says. “Believe it or not, he’s incredibly insecure for some reason.”

_Ping._

“Insecurities or not, I still highly doubt that _‘deep down he’s a nice guy’_ —Hey, I’ll message you later about CA. I’m gonna go and talk to Tavros about joining his team while I answer back CA’s messages real quick.”

You finish up the voice chat and send a quick message to Tavros requesting to join his team. It doesn’t take long until you’re kicking ass alongside him and a couple others, sans Vriska for once, thank God. When there’s a small break in the game for Mituna to go and use the bathroom, you take the time you read what CA had left you.

CA: so uh   
CA: i knoww wwe kinda left off in a awwkwward place last time wwe talked   
CA: wwhich feels like fuckin forevver ago   
CA: sorry for not answwerin back to your emails an evverythin   
CA: an for the record i knoww i wwas out a line alright an also that avvoidin you for 3 days probably wwasnt the best thing to do but i just needed a little time to think you gotta understand   
CA: but hey im back noww   
CA: an ivve got evverythin figured out   
CA: hey you there ar   
CA: look come on im really sorry about evverythin just talk to me please   
AA: you had me worried there for a while you know   
AA: would it have killed you to at least let me know you were still alive?   
AA: along with what on earth i had to do with the fit you totally threw   
CA: its   
CA: its kinda complicated   
CA: besides it really dont matter so lets just forget about it an movve on   
AA: im sure you can find a way to make it as understandable as possible for me   
CA: id really rather not   
AA: how come?   
CA: its just a little embarassin is all   
AA: well i promise i wont laugh then   
CA: no seriously i dont wwanna talk about it   
AA: then i have no interest in wasting my time with this conversation right now seeing as im pretty busy playing world of warcraft anyways   
AA: talk to me when youre done being ridiculous   
CA: really ar youre gonna do this   
CA: ar   
CA: ugh fuckin FINE   
CA: i didnt expect you to be wwell you alright cause i just   
CA: i kinda had a thing for you before any a this crazy fuckin online bullshit   
CA: an i guess i freaked out a bit wwhen i found out wwho you wwere so there cut me some slack alright just fuckin talk to me please   
AA: see now was that so hard to say?   
CA: wwhatevver   
AA: goodness youre such a spaz   
CA: yeah wwell youre a insufferable patronizin wwench an i havve no idea wwhy i gotta be so into you   
AA: wow   
AA: rude much?   
CA: i meant that in the most affectionate wway possible   
AA: i dont think i like your idea of affectionate much   
CA: yeah wwell   
CA: you knoww wwhat   
CA: um   
AA: 0_0   
CA: ill wwork on it   
AA: god youre so strange today!   
AA: but anyways if you were into me before how come you never talked to me?   
CA: i dunno   
CA: seriously can wwe not talk about it   
CA: id much rather talk about somethin else specifically   
AA: oh?    
AA: like what?    
CA: wwell its about the guy wwho showwed up that one time wwhen you wwere playin   
AA: my ex sollux?   
CA: no not sol he aint nothin but pure filth im talkin about the other one   
AA: oh you mean eridan   
AA: kind of weird that you want to talk about him but alright whats up?   
CA: oh you knoww   
CA: wwas just wwonderin wwhat you thought about him   
AA: im pretty sure you know exactly how i feel about that stuck up jerk haha   
AA: is there a certain reason youre asking about him?   
AA: i mean its just that youve never showed any interest in him before unless you were listening to me complain about him and even then you kind of joined in   
CA: wwell it wwas before i kneww wwho wwe wwere talkin about   
AA: do you know him?   
CA: wwell yeah actually   
CA: i guess you could say wwere pretty good aquaintances i mean id evven go as far as to say close friends in a sort a wway believve it or not   
AA: oh god   
CA: an you knoww he really aint that bad hes actually real decent an evven pretty funny a lot a people dont knoww that about him but he is   
AA: this is like the second time in the past hour ive been told that eridan ampora is actually a nice guy and its starting to get really weird   
CA: really wwho else said that about him   
AA: my friend feferi but shes also his best friend so its probably expected for her to endorse that world class douche   
CA: oh yeah i knoww fef shes great   
CA: i mean i knoww ABOUT her from eridan hes told me about her tons but yeah i hear shes real trustworthy so id definitely listen to her especially since i knoww eridan myself an can confirm hes great   
AA: i really dont think you even know the half of it ca there really isnt anything good about him   
AA: hes rude egotistical stuck up self absorbed and just all around unpleasant   
AA: ive never had anyone treat me half as bad as that loser ever has and ive never even done anything to him!   
AA: well besides this one time where i slapped him but it was because he was being so mean and calling me worthless because i accidently opened the door in his face when my ex broke up with me and i was in a hurry to leave but that doesnt count!   
CA: wwell hes been wworkin on fixin himself up but wwoww   
CA: you uh seem to havve a lot of emotions on the subject a him   
AA: emotions of disgust and hatred for the most part yes but theres also a tinge of pity in there somewhere   
AA: did you know that hes in love with feferi but shes not interested in him at all like that?   
AA: its so pathetic that i actually feel sorry for the poor helpless fool   
CA: he actually aint really into fef all like that anymore   
CA: theres someone else he has his eye on an uh   
CA: shes real great   
AA: yeah well once she gets a taste of his less than savory personality shell be running for the hills if she hasnt already   
CA: no wway shes totally into him dont be like that   
CA: i got to talk to her myself an she only had good things to say evven liked his style wwhich lets admit is pretty fuckin classy right   
AA: im sorry to tell you but shes probably just after him for his money   
AA: you do know that eridan is filthy rich right?   
CA: she aint talkin to him cause a that but it aint like havvin money is a bad thing or wwhatevver   
AA: no but its a bad thing when you use your wealth to make others feel like total shit   
AA: if you dont mind id really rather stop talking about him and either discuss something else or get back to my game   
CA: oh uh   
CA: alright hey givve me a second i gotta get the door   
AA: erm okay?

With the conversation temporarily put on hold, you focus your attention fully on the game once more where Tavros and Rufioh had been discussing the idea of taking on one of the most recent quests added with your small group.

“I uh, don’t think it’s a good idea, to be honest,” Tavros says cautiously. The way he talks makes you imagine him sitting at his computer in his wheelchair, his brows furrowed together in worry at the prospect of failing the quest and losing all your hard-earned stuff. You smile at the idea of the seemingly-shy chair-bound punk kid who’s more than capable of dishing out a hearty helping of snarky sass when ultimately needed.

Rufioh laughs. “It’ll be worth it though, man! Go big or go home, right?” Mituna makes a noise that sounds vaguely like ‘hell yeah’ and Rufioh continues. “Imagine how badass we’d be if we totally bagged this quest before everyone else in the guild!”

_“Ahem.”_

Guess who decided to show up?

“God dammit, Eridan,” you huff and momentarily consider logging off for the afternoon. “What are you doing here?”

“Can’t a guy just drop in once in awhile to check up on his guild mates?” he asks, not a trace of sarcasm or venom laced in his words.

You lift a brow disbelievingly even though he can’t see you. “Seriously, why are you here?”

“Honest, I just wanted to see how you were all doin an whatnot.”

“That’s pretty nice of you, Eridan,” Tavros exclaims. “It’s uh, not really like you to do something like that, but I—”

“Does it _look_ like I’m talkin to you, dirtscrapin scum?” Eridan sneers.

“Well uh, I mean, to be fair I can’t really see you...”

“Yeah well I was talkin to Ar!”

“Leave Tavros alone, he hasn’t done a single thing to you!” you say. “And we have nothing to talk about, Eridan, so please— _wait_ , how did you even find me?”

There’s a pause on Eridan’s end and a deep inhale of what sounds like a shaky breath. “Yeah, alright. Sorry Tav, or whatever,” he says barely above a whisper. “An that’s not important right now alright, I really need to talk to you... preferably in private an not in front a whoever else is even _in_ this fuckin chat.”

“Whatever you have to talk to me about can be discussed right here among our friends.”

“But—!”

“I don’t _have_ to listen to you, Eridan,” you remind him coldly. “Now spit it out or go away because I’m busy and I’d rather not have you ruin my day.”

For a couple seconds you think that he’s actually going to turn around and leave until he says, “I was just wondering if maybe you’d like to get together sometime when you get home an talk about, you know... things.”

You blink.

“Things?”

“Yeah, like you know, things an uh, mutual interests an stuff.”

You take a second to pull up the chat box with CA who apparently still hasn’t returned.

AA: i cannot believe this   
AA: eridan seriously just showed up in the game   
CA: really hmm   
AA: yes and hes acting so odd!    
AA: oh  also welcome back   
CA: wwelcome back   
CA: wwhat   
AA: didnt you have to get the door?   
CA: oh uh yeah it wwas just the post man no big deal   
CA: wwhats goin on wwith er though wwhats he wwant   
AA: i guess he wants to hang out or something?   
CA: oh really wwell that sounds nice   
AA: yeah well i think it sounds fishy   
AA: hes never been nice to me before so why start now?   
CA: wwho knowws people change   
CA: maybe you should just at least hear him out though i mean it wwouldnt hurt or anythin wwould it noww   
AA: ugh

“We don’t have any mutual interests.” you answer after a few moments of silence.

“I think you’d be pretty surprised at how much we do got in common, Ar,” he says with a nervous laugh. “We can talk about history an museums an even about how things are over there in France an everythin.”

“How do you know where I am?”

“Fef told me.”

You make a mental note to scold Feferi.

“Look, I don’t know what it is exactly that you’re up to, but there’s not a snowballs chance in hell that I’m ever going to waste a single second in your physical presence unless it’s absolutely necessary; having to occasionally run into you online is already dreadful enough.”

“What if I apologize?” he asks. “What if I take back everythin rude or upsettin I ever said about you? Will you change your mind?”

You’re not sure what his deal is, but it’s starting to make you incredibly uncomfortable. For starters, you don’t get what angle he’s working at, and you have no idea whether he was being serious or not about apologizing, but you’re certain you’d rather him not be.

“Please leave me alone.”

“Aradia—”

_“Eridan,”_ you say warningly. You’ve never actually heard him say your whole name before, and hearing it for the first time from his lips makes you feel disgustingly filthy all over. “You know what, fine. That’s it.” You pull up Feferi’s username in your friends list.

“Huh? What’s it? Ar, what are you talkin about?”

madeoftime: will you please tell eridan to leave me alone because he has been bothering me and will not go away  
madeoftime: also how come you told him i was in france?  
cuttlefishcollector: Water you talking about? I never told -Eridan anyt)(ing!  
madeoftime: yeah well he says you told him  
cuttlefishcollector: O)( my, I guess I must )(ave let somet)(ing ship! I’m sorry!  
madeoftime: let something ship?  
madeoftime: that one was a bit of a stretch dont you think?  
cuttlefishcollector: )(e)(e! 38D  
cuttlefishcollector: I’ll talk to -Eridan rig)(t now. Sorry about )(im! I didn’t even know )(e was online! cuttlefishcollector: O)( by the way, you said t)(at CA plays World of Warcraft, rig)(t?  
madeoftime: yeah why  
cuttlefishcollector: I )(ave an idea!

* * *

**== > Be Eridan**

There are few things in the world that you despise more than being ignored.

_“Come on,_ are you seriously ignorin me right now?” you complain, still waiting for an answer from Aradia who’d gone silent. You know that she hadn’t added you to her ignore list because her username is still lit up in the sidebar, but it’s really starting to feel like she did anyway. “Hello?”

Before you can switch to the chat messenger in the background to see if she’d respond to you under the guise of not being who you actually are, there’s a small pop-up requesting a private voice chat with Feferi. You consider ignoring it because you’re suddenly uneasy about what she could possibly have to say, but accept it in the longrun.

“Yeah, Fef?”

She doesn’t even say hello before jumping right into the reason for contacting you. “Aradia told me that you were harassing her and that she wanted me to tell you to stop it since you won’t listen to her.”

You scoff. “I dunno what she told you but I ain’t _harassin_ no one, Fef! I’m just tryin to talk to her but she ain’t givin me the time a day.”

“What do you want to talk to her about?”

“Just some things, alright? What, I ain’t allowed to talk to people about stuff without seemin odd?”

Feferi giggles. “No, silly! It’s just—well, lets face it, Eridan; you and Aradia haven’t always been very sociable with each other, let alone friendly, so I mean... it’s kind of weird to hear that you just want to talk to her!”

“Yeah, well I _do_.”

“But she _doesn’t_ , so please just leave the poor girl alone!”

“You got any other demands for me while we’re talkin, Fef? Put the dishes away, maybe wash behind my ears?” you ask sarcastically. Feferi laughs some more and you groan in annoyance. “Whatever, can I go now?”

“You don’t need to be so grumpy, Eridan!” she says. “But yes, I’ll let you get back to the game. Bye!”

You switch back over to Team Charge’s voice chat the second Feferi disconnects the call, glad to see that Aradia was still there.

“Really, Ar? You went and told on me to Fef?” you ask. “We’re both adults here, I’m sure we could a figured out a better way to deal with not seein eye to eye instead a tattle talin.”

**[** madeoftime has blocked admiralampora42 **]**

“God fuckin dammit!”

“Uh, are you okay?” Tavros asks.

“No, I’m not o- _fuckin_ -kay, Tav. Just—” You take a second and stop yourself before you completely blow up on him, remembering what Aradia had said. You suppose it wouldn’t kill you to be a little nicer to Tavros, especially since he’s a good friend of Aradia's and being mean to him probably won’t get you anywhere with her. “I’ve gotta go. Sorry for botherin you.”

You log off and bring the chat messenger window to the front to investigate.

CA: so hey howw are things goin   
AA: well i did what i should have done a long time ago and blocked eridan so everything is fine!   
CA: oh really that doesnt sound vvery nice   
CA: you sure blockin him wwas all that necessary i mean it seems like a bit much   
AA: no trust me it was more than necessary   
AA: but can we please not talk about him anymore?   
AA: its starting to get really weird talking to you about him   
CA: sure i guess   
AA: thanks 0u0   
AA: oh hey me and my friend feferi went to an empty world to hang out in and itd be really awesome if you could join!   
AA: she is very interested in getting to meet you even if its virtual haha   
CA: oh uh   
CA: i dunno i mean   
AA: please? :(   
CA: yeah alright fine wwhy not   
AA: yes!   
CA: wwhich wworld is it 

You almost log on using your usual character but stop yourself when you remember that both Aradia and Feferi would immediate realize who you were, so you're stuck spewing every curse in the book as you make a new one with the username caligulasAquarium since only Aradia knows you as CA and not Feferi. It wouldn't be such a big deal if it weren't for the fact that you were now a born-again noob when you'd told Aradia before that you'd have a level 65 mage.

Whatever, hopefully she doesn't notice.

"Hi, CA!" Feferi shouts as soon as you've joined the chat. You take a deep breath and shake out your hands. You can do this. "Aradia's told me so much about you, it's nice to meet you!"

Aradia talks next, and it's like music to your ears instead of the normal nails-on-chalkboard irritated feeling you'd gotten a few weeks ago whenever you'd accidently run into her online. "I thought you said you played World of Warcraft a lot? I could have sworn you'd said you had a high level mage before."

She noticed.

caligulasAquarium: i got hacked the other night so i had to make a new account

Your excuse is so foolproof that you're actually wearing a smug grin. Not only that, but you've even decided to drop your little typing quirk to better hide your true identity—you're sure that Fef would notice it right off the bat since the two of you text quite a bit.

"Oh, that sucks. You should send an email to customer service so they can try to help," she says. "Hey, why aren't you speaking? I want to hear your voice!"

Feferi agrees and adds, "It'd be a lot easier to just talk instead of typing everything out."

Oh.

You hadn't thought about that.

"Shit," you mutter to yourself as you glance around your deskspace from the monitor to the headset and then back to the game once more. Talking wasn't an option—You're pretty confident you could have fooled Aradia if you hadn't of literally just finished speaking to her less than 10 minutes ago, but there's no fucking way you could pull one over on Feferi since she knows the sound of your voice better than anyone else.

Clearly you could have thought things through a little better before agreeing to this virtual hang out.

caligulasAquarium: i broke my mic the other day   
caligulasAquarium: dont feel like talkin much anyway really im fine listenin to you ladies chat an addin my two cents in every once in a while

"Aw, i was looking forward to getting to actually speak to each other for the first time," Aradia says sullenly. "It's alright though, I suppose we'll just have to put it off for now... but you know, we should probably swap phone numbers sometime soon. I mean, I don't think it's very fair that you get to hear me when I don't get to hear you, haha."

You're certain that you probably shouldn't do such a thing, but you continue to dig the hole you've found yourself in even deeper.

caligulasAquarium: yeah sounds great

"So I hear that you're good friends with Eridan," Feferi jumps in. You're thankful for the topic change, but couldn't she have chosen to discuss something else? "It's so weird that he's never mentioned anything about having other friends!"

caligulasAquarium: well he is a pretty private guy i guess   
caligulasAquarium: but aradia dont wanna talk about him so lets talk about somethin else

"Oh, woops!"

"No, no, it's okay," Aradia assures her. "He's right, but I have to at least tell you what I learned about Eridan today thanks to CA."

caligulasAquarium: what did i tell you   
caligulasAquarium: i didnt tell you anythin

“You know, about how Eridan's apparently got a girlfriend that he's hiding from the world?”

"No way!" Feferi gasps. "The other day he mentioned he was talking to a girl—you were there too, remember?—but I thought he was just putting on a show since he was being, well... you know. Eridan."

"Yeah, well according to CA, he was telling the truth." Aradia says and then jokes, "Looks like Eridan's finally moved on from pining over you, Feferi. I don't know whether to congratulate you or apologize for your loss."

Feferi giggles. "It's most definitely for the best that he's moved on—I just could never look at him like that, and I _hated_ knowing that I was hurting him because of it. Besides, it was starting to become more of a burden than usual to deal with him, to be completely honest... and I'd appreciate it if you didn't repeat what I told you, Aradia. If it somehow gets back to Eridan, he'd be distraught... I don't even think he knows that _I_ knew how he felt about me!"

"Surprising that _he_ doesn't even see how obvious he is."

You feel your cheeks redden at their exchange and the new knowledge that Feferi had apparently known all along how you felt about her... or used to feel, at least. You attempt to save some face by slamming out a response that should set at least a few things straight.

caligulasAquarium: i dont know what you two are talkin about cause he aint been pinin over fef for a while now   
caligulasAquarium: he moved on some time ago you probably just aint realized it yet   
caligulasAquarium: and hey he aint obvious alright hes just passionate theres a DIFFERENCE

"Now that I think about it, Eridan _has_ been pretty distant over the past couple of months," Feferi mentions. "He hasn't even complained about Sollux, much. I can't believe I didn't notice this earlier!"

"Can we please not talk about my ex-turned-your-boyfriend right now? I don't even know what you're doing wasting your time with him, he's such an ass." Aradia groans in mock-annoyance.

You lift a brow curiously at this.

caligulasAquarium: how are you guys alright with fef datin sol and everything thats kinda weird aint it

"Not really!" Feferi answers chipperly. "Aradia and I were friends before Sollux came along. We promised not to let him come between us, no matter what!"

caligulasAquarium: wait fef are you sayin YOU liked that idiot before he and ar broke up

"Moving on!" Aradia butts in, and you don't know whether to be irritated at the fact that she cut you off or that Feferi had appararently had a thing for that lisping fuck for a lot longer than you thought she had. "Why don't we talk about how you and CA are in the same city _right now_ while I'm in France and how awesome it would be if a certain good friend of mine met up with a certain guy in this chat and scope him out for me?"

You don't even have a _chance_ to think 'oh god please no' before Feferi is on your case like white on rice.

"Oh, that sounds like such a great idea!" she practically shouts with delight. "We should meet up this weekend, CA! I bet it'd be fun—there's a fair downtown thats here for a few more days, I think that'd be a nice place to visit, don't you?"

You've officially dug yourself as deep as you could possibly go. How the hell are you supposed to pull something like this off? You can't, that's how. Which is why you're going to have to think of a really fucking good excuse to get out of it within the next twenty seconds or else—

caligulasAquarium: yeah   
caligulasAquarium: yeah alright that sounds like fun

You'd probably save yourself a lot of trouble if you'd just shoot yourself in the face and call it a day.

"Great, I'll reserve a couple tickets tonight since the line will probably be insane... Oh, and I'll even see if I can drag Eridan along since you guys are such good friends, that'll probably make things a little less awkward!"

Apparently you spoke too soon— _now_ you'd dug yourself as deep as you possibly could.

caligulasAquarium: that sounds like a wonderful idea   
caligulasAquarium: i couldnt possibly think of anything better

The rest of the evening is spent chatting with Aradia and Feferi about whimsical nonsense, frantically trying to figure out a way to get out of attending the fair as both yourself and Aradia's anonymous online suitor, and taking your frustration and irritation out on your stupid brother in petty jabs and insults to the point that he actually tears up and stomps off to his room where he sulks in silence for once.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feferi catches Eridan up in his little lie.

You’re out of ideas by the time Saturday rolls arounds, which is the day Feferi chose to drag you along to the fair so that you could introduce her to Aradia’s online penpal and unknown friend of yours. Little does she know that CA is none other than yourself and that you’ve been pulling your hair out all week trying to find a way to worm yourself out of it.

At first you thought it might be possible, but Feferi had proven to be smarter than you last remembered by pointing out that not only were Saturdays your free days, but also that there weren’t any dentists in town who were open, let alone willing, to perform wisdom teeth extraction surgery at 7:00pm. She then proceeded to remind you that you had them taken out two years ago on your 17th birthday as what you considered _The worst joke of a birthday present ever_ So you’re stuck sitting across from her in the campus coffee shop, drumming your fingers nervously on the table and growing more and more paranoid by the second.

If your little screw up didn’t tip her off already, then she had to know that something was up the second you placed an order for a simple hot chocolate rather than your usual over-the-top iced frappuccino with extra ice, 2 scoops of vanilla bean powder, caramel drizzled on top and under the whipped cream, and a pump of white mocha. She didn’t say anything though, choosing to just give you a curious look before asking if you’d let her taste it since she had never tried it before, which you did.

The second you found a table and sat down, she launched right into how she couldn’t wait to get to the fair because apparently one of her favorite musicians were playing later on, some obscure pop artist you’d never heard of before. You had no idea what entertainment there’d be since you’d been too busy worrying all week about how this was all going to blow up in your face to actually check, but you still nodded along and listened to whatever she had to say. You were trying your best to keep your cool and it’d been going well, but after 40 minutes and two refills you were starting to run out of things to talk about were now reduced to sitting in awkward silence across from each other.

You jolt a bit when the bell hanging over the door rings and Feferi lifts her chin to see who came in, settling back down into her seat after finding it to just be an elderly couple. You can tell she’s getting impatient waiting for someone who more or less doesn’t actually exist so you try to keep her appeased with whatever small bit of chit chat you can muster, if not to at least give yourself something to do other than silently flip your paranoid shit at the idea that she knows, which is downright stupid. “So... you’re real set on meetin’ this CA fellow, huh?”

“Mhm!” Feferi nods and finishes taking a sip of her chai latte before continuing. “Aradia’s been telling me a lot about him for a while now so of course I want to meet him; Besides, I’ve got to make sure he’s worth her time with all this odd secrecy about him, after all.”

“Trust me, he’s worth her time an then some,” you mumble bitterly under your breath, and then add just as quietly, “A real fuckin’ gentleman an a scholar an whatnot.”

Feferi furrows her brows. “Sorry, what?”

“I don’t recall you ever bein’ such good friends with Ar. Since when is that even a thing?”

“What are you talking about? We’ve been close friends since forever; especially in grade school! I’m surprised you don’t remember that,” She pauses to check and make sure that no one else had come in during the conversation. “Then again you’ve always been pretty selective to what you choose to pay attention to, I guess.”

“Yeah, well my policy’s always been that there ain’t no reason to waste my time on frivolous bullshit, you know that.”

“I do, which reminds me—what on earth have you been hounding poor Aradia about this past week?” She sips at her tea and glances down at her phone; she’d gotten a text. “I mean, given your guys’ track record I’d say anything regarding her would fall under the _‘frivolous’_ category, so what’s the deal?”

You could have definitely picked a better time to have a drink than at that moment. “What—no—” you sputter aimlessly, choking on a mouthful of still too hot chocolate. What you don’t swallow and burn your throat with manages to dribble down your chin and stain your purple sweater vest, your blue silk tie receiving most of the damage. “She’s makin’ stuff up an clearly tryin’ to get me in trouble for some fuckin’ reason; she even accused me a this bullshit online earlier, remember?” you remind her defensively while dabbing at your ruined clothes with a napkin. If that hot chocolate doesn’t come out you’re going to raise absolute hell. “Sure, I might a sent her a _‘hey what’s up’_ or two but that ain’t a crime or anythin’!”

“Really, because she told me that you’ve been texting her nonstop for the past two days so much that it got to the point where she actually had to _block_ you!” she says. “Seriously, talk to me, Eridan. What’s up?”

Having already tossed the filthy napkin to the table, you cross your arms over your chest and slide down in your chair, wishing you’d of worn your scarf so that you could bury your face in it rather than just sit there feeling so exposed to the world. “It ain’t nothin’ to discuss so don’t worry about it,” you say somberly, because you really _don’t_ want to talk about how you’d managed to have Cronus’s number blocked after mass texting Aradia like it’d actually even help. Looking back in retrospect, it was one of the worst ideas you’ve ever had.

You’re not sure if it’s because you’re being a bit of an insufferable prick or the fact that CA still hasn’t shown up, but it’s clear that Feferi isn’t in the mood for your shit right now.

“You did exactly this the last time I tried to talk to you and I let it slide, but I’m not going to just let you get away with it again—as much as I love you, Aradia is my friend as well, and harassment is a big deal; you can’t just do whatever you want and not take responsibility for it!”

She’s hit a chord and you’re sitting up straight with your chest pumped out in a second, seeing nothing but red. “I said don’t fuckin’ worry about it, Fef!” That’s the second time she’s accused you of harassing Aradia, and even if it technically is what you’re doing, you’re not too big a fan of the word. Besides, it’s not like she has any idea of how deep this actually even goes. “Who I choose to talk to and when I decide to do so it _my_ fuckin’ perrogative—even if it _is_ Ar—so I’d appreciate it if you’d stop harrassin’ me about it ‘cause frankly, it ain’t none a your goddamn business!”

Every sign of irritation on Feferi’s face is replaced with that of surprise at your outburst and you slink back down once more, keeping your eyes trained on a faded Sharpie’d message on the side of the table for the most part. Once she snaps out of her momentary stupor, she busies herself with responding to that text she’d gotten earlier. You pull out your own phone as well and shoot Aradia a message.

CA: hey are you busy right noww  
CA: sorry ahead a time if youre in class or diggin your crazy fuckin holes  
AA: hey theyre not crazy!  
CA: thank god youre there i am so fuckin STRESSED right noww like you wwouldnt BELIEVVE  
AA: whats the matter?  
AA: oh feferi says shes still waiting for you with eridan is everything okay?

"God fuckin dammit," you mutter heatedly and slam your phone down against your thigh in anger. You'd completely forgotten the fact that you, CA, were supposed to be with Feferi as of forever ago—how stupid could you be to even _think_ of messaging Aradia right now?

CA: oh  
CA: yeah im on my wway noww  
CA: kinda got stuck in traffic is all you knoww howw california is  
AA: i know its crazy

Feeling as if you're being watched, you look up for a second to find Feferi in the midst of turning her attention from what was presumably you back to her phone. Every so often she takes a chance to glance up with a mixed look of contemplative interest and worry, but looks away when the two of you make eye contact. For some reason, the curiousity in her eyes make you really uncomfortable.

Fighting with Feferi was never something you enjoyed, and to make matters worse, the fact that she has nothing else to add to the conversation makes you feel ten times more like an asshole than you already do. You know that you probably could have handled the whole situation better, but you were never good at taking constructive criticism well.

"'I'm sorry for shoutin' at you, Fef. You didn't deserve that at all," you apologize and sit back up in your seat like a respectable adult instead of a tantrum-throwing ten year old. Even though a part of you wants to continue snubbing her, you'd much rather own up to your mistakes and make things better. "Forgive me?"

She cracks one of her usual cheerful grins and nods. "Of course, silly. I know how you get sometimes, all grumpy and irritated over the smallest thing." She lets out a small bubbly laugh before settling into a more serious tone. "But I'm sorry too, for getting a bit snappy myself. I just really wish you'd let me in on this strange infatuation you've got with Aradia lately!"

You can feel your face redden at her choice of words and you tug nervously at the collar of your shirt. Why was it so hot? "It ain't no infatuation, Fef. Still, I just don't wanna talk about it. I'm sorry." She nods and bites her lip, obviously wanting to say something but too afraid to do so. You decide to help her out. "What is it?"

"I just—" She shrugs. "Can I ask one question?"

You sigh and nod. "Yes, but that's it."

"How did you get her number?"

_"Fef."_

"Alright, alright!" She jokingly sticks her hands up in surrender and you can't help but laugh a little yourself. "God, where is he? It's been over an hour!" she moans overdramatically while grabbing her phone and scrolling over her texts.

"Maybe he ain't gonna show an we should just get the hell outta here before the theater students start filin' in an we're stuck listenin' to their overzealous bullshit," you suggest.

Feferi shakes her head and drops her phone back onto the table, grabbing her drink instead. "Aradia said that CA was on his way and that he got stuck in traffic, so I guess we'll just have to suffer," she says. "I don't know what it is with you and your hate for them; they're very fun to be around!"

You're about to shoot off into a rant about how they're soft-skulled leeches with an unreasonable outlook on life who have no place in society unless it's to be lined up against a stone wall and put to death by firing sqaud, but the vibration from an incoming message on your phone diverts your attention.

AA: so are you going to tell me whats wrong or do i have to read your mind?

The corners of your lips tug upwards into a small grin.

CA: thought youd a forgot about my problems by noww  
AA: are you kidding me  
AA: thatd be impossible since you would just remind me later on in the form of the cold shoulder  
AA: dont want that now do we?  
CA: wwoww wway to make a guy feel better  
AA: haha im just kidding!  
AA: but seriously whats bothering you?  
CA: wwhy dont you use your psychic mind readin powwers an figure it out huh  
CA: since apparently you can do that kinda thing  
AA: how about i kick your ass silly in a round of pvp later on!  
CA: heh you WWISH  
AA: loser has to do all of my homework for the next week  
AA: aka you

"Who are you talking to over there?" Feferi asks, catching you off guard when you're too busy silently laughing at Aradia's messages to really pay attention.

"Ar."

_Shit._

"I mean—" The giddy smile that'd grown from the small grin wanes the second you realize just what you had said and you tear your interest from the conversation with Aradia and lock your widened, frigtened eyes on Feferi's own confused ones. "I was just asking her a question—I was laughin' at somethin'  _Kar_ sent me... a um, picture of... a thing."

"I thought she blocked you?"

You're officially sweating now. "Usin' a messenger, I ain't textin'."

"Oh." She wants to know more but she decides not to press any further on the subjet. "Well, can I see what Karkat sent? I want to know what was so funny!" She asks chipperly while leaning over the table to get a look at what was on your phone. You quickly turn the screen black and pocket it.

"I already deleted it, whoops. Sorry, Fef." That definitely could have sounded more believable than it did, and you distantly consider taking an acting class next semester for the sake of not sweating like a pig or sounding like you're just regurgitating lines from a shitty failed pilot episode on the Disney channel whenever you need to lie. "Next one he sends I'll be sure to save it for you, they're hilarious. Alright?"

Feferi agrees as she settles back into her seat, sounding a bit disheartened. She doesn't take her gaze off of you for a couple of minutes though, and you're stuck there tapping your fingers nervously along the outline of the phone in your pocket, which vibrates with each new unread message.

When she finally decides to let you breathe easy she tucks herself away into her own phone, occasionally looking up at you with a skeptical glint in her eyes. It's obvious that the gears in her head are turning and you're not sure how much longer you're going to be able to keep up this little charade. You're not given much of a chance to really think about it, though.

"That's funny," she finally says after some time. "I'm talking to Aradia right now and she says that she hasn't heard from you since she blocked your number two days ago... but she _was_ talking to CA a few minutes ago until he stopped responding," She holds the phone out in front of your face so that you can see proof. "Eridan, tell me what is seriously going on."

You opt for digging one of your way-too-sharp canines into your bottom lip until you taste blood and shrug, as if you have no clue what she's talking about, but you and her both know that she's not stupid and that you're obviously lying.

" _Eridan—_ "

"Hmm?" you barely manage to even hum without your voice breaking.

"Are you CA?"

You don't know how to answer that so you decide to finally flip your shit instead.

Before you know it you're shoving yourself back and standing up way too fast, knocking what's left of your hot chocolate onto the floor. Some of it splashes onto the shoes of some lady at the table next to you but you're too far gone to apologize or even notice that she's upset.

You're halfway to the door when Feferi snags you by the sleeve of your sweater vest, yanking you over to a new table in a clean area next to a window. She shoves you down into one of the chairs and you're surprised at how strong she is _—_ when did _that_ happen?

"Eridan!"

"Yes!" you answer to let her know you're paying attention but it spills over into a confession. "Yeah it's me, alright? I'm the guy Ar's been talkin' to online, are you happy now? Is that what you wanna hear?"

Feferi's brows unknot and her bewildered expression turns to one of amusement. "Really?"

"Of fuckin' course, what do you mean _'really'_?"

"I knew it!" she exclaims with a laugh. "I knew something was going on between you and Aradia _—_ so she's the girl that you've been, um, I guess sort of secretly dating _—_ wow!"

You roll your eyes and huff. One of the employees were at your old table cleaning up your mess and the woman you'd spilling your drink on was giving you a dirty look. "Yeah, you don't gotta worry about me chasin' after you anymore, so congratulations. I ain't a _burden_ to you no more."

Feferi frowns as she puts two-and-two together. "Oh... Eridan, I didn't mean it like that _—_ "

"Whatever, I really don't wanna talk about it, alright? I shouldn't a even been there in the first place so it's my fault for hearin' things that weren't meant for me to hear. Let's just put it behind us an move on."

She nods gently and puts a hand over yours. "I really am glad that you've found someone, though. Especially since it's Aradia; I think the two of you could actually be really good together!"

"Yeah, too bad she wouldn't even grace my grave with her own spit; she hates me."

"That's nonsense, she doesn't _hate_ you."

"No, you don't understand, Fef _—_ she seriously fuckin' hates me," you say. "Like, _literally_ despises me more than anythin' with every bone in her body. I mean, I got a better chance a her attendin' my funeral _—_ which, mind you, she'd probably only come to cause she's weird as hell and likes them sorts a things _—_ than actually givin' me the time a day."

Feferi shakes her head. "I think you just need to try talking to her as yourself."

You gesture grandly while giving her the best 'are-you-fucking-serious' look you can muster. "What the hell do you think I've been tryin' to do for the past week? Start a fuckin' book club?"

She goes to say something but sighs and closes her mouth once she realizes that there isn't anything for her to say. Even though she doesn't want to admit it, she knows just as much as you do that Aradia wants absolutely nothing to do with your ass and probably never will; it's just that Feferi is too optimisitic to let that be the final verdict.

After a few seconds of silence, she finally says something. "It's going to be okay."

You lift a brow. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that everything is going to be okay," she repeats. "Things are going to work themselves out one way or another, and everything is going to be fine."

"Don't be ridiculous, Fef."

"I'm not, I'm being serious!" she says, sounding as determined as ever. "I know that Aradia will eventually come around and she'll see how much of a catch you are that she won't be able to resist you!"

You can't help but laugh, as self-depreciating as it is. "Now I'm a catch?"

"Of course you are, Eridan! What makes you think you're not?"

"Look, I know we're best friends an everythin so it's kinda your duty to tell me these types a things even though they ain't true, but you really don't gotta do this, Fef." As much as you'd like to believe her, you're not really in the mood for a bunch of false hope and lies that will only keep you hanging on to some impossible idea that things might actually turn out for the better between you and Aradia. "I think it'd be best if I just come to terms with it now instead a later _—_ but I really do appreciate it, though."

Feferi rolls her eyes and leans forward, resting on her forearms. "I'm not saying that you don't have your flaws, Eridan." she says with smirk and reaches over to snatch your glasses from your face, causing your vision to blur. Before you can try to retrieve them, she continues. "You worry too much, did you know that?"

"Hey _—_ give those back!"

"You also talk too much, and you could definitely do with having a little more fun and being a lot less of a grumpy old man," she adds with a playful laugh. "But seriously, there are so many great things about you; you're smart, hardworking, you've got a great sense of fashion, you're super passionate about the things and people that you care about _—_ I mean, you really thow yourself 110% into whatever it is you're doing and that's amazing, even if you _can_ be a bit too intense sometimes _—_ and hey, let's not forget how handsome you are," She says with a smirk. "I've never undersood why you don't wear contacts; I _love_ your eyes."

"Contacts make my eyes dry."

"And you _still_ look absolutely dashing in these glasses," she assures you with a smile, sliding them back over across the table. "I could go on, but the last thing I need to do is stroke your ego too much; the point was to show you that Aradia would be crazy not to want you once she got to know you."

You want to tell her that she's insane, but you're too busy trying to stop yourself from smiling like a total dumbass, keeping your obvious excitement down to a minimum in the form of a small grin tugging at the corners of your lips. Even if what she's saying isn't true, it's too late. "You really think she'll like me?"

"She likes CA, doesn't she?"

You nod. "Yeah, but that ain't _me_ , thats _—_ "

"That _is_ you. She just doesn't know it," she says. "Which is exactly why you're going to tell her who you are."

"Are you nuts? I can't tell her it's _me._ "

"You _have_ to, Eridan. You can't just keep lying to her about your identity; what's going to happen when it's time for you to meet up with her face to face?"

You shake your head. "No, I ain't tellin her anythin' _—_ at least not yet." _  
_

"Then when?"

"When I'm well an ready to!"

"Oh my God, you're impossible," Feferi groans and tends to her phone, tapping away at the keypad. "You're just going to make everything worse by prolonging it!"

You already know that it's going to blow up in your face, but you don't care. "Who are you textin?" you ask, trying to get a look at the screen. "You ain't textin' Ar, right? Huh, Fef?"

"No, I'm texting Sollux back; he wanted to know if I was okay." she assures you. "But I should be texting Aradia."

"Look, you gotta promise you're not gonna tell Ar, alright?" you say. "Sol, too _—_ don't mention a word a this to him. That fuckin' jerk will rat me out himself, I know it."

She sighs and puts her phone down. "I don't like keeping secrets from him, but I guess just this once... you've got to promise that you're going to tell Aradia sooner than later, though."

You agree to her terms, although you're not too sure if you'll ever be able to actually go through with it. Oh well. You just need to buy yourself some time.

"So what are you gonna do now?" she asks. 

"God, I dunno. I don't wanna even think about it." You laugh darkly and rub the heel of a palm into one of your eyes. "I need a stiff drink _—_ or at least somethin' to keep my mind off a all this shit."

"Well, we've still got these tickets," she reminds you and reaches into her purse to pull out a little white envelope. "I don't see what's stopping us from going. Tomorrow is the last day they'll be open, so why not enjoy it tonight?"

"Yeah, nothin' sounds more fun than possibly dyin' on one a those shoddy rides." 

" _Eridan_."

You smirk, and she smiles once she realizes you were just being sarcastic.

The both of you grab refills of your drinks and head out towards the fair, spending the rest of the evening taking your chances and enjoying each other's company alone in what felt like forever. The lines are long and the food is a little too cooked, but it's fun and for a few hours you can relax.

You don't really notice it until you're sharing a stick of cotton candy, but not once during the time spent in her presence did you have a single romantic thought about Feferi, and it's great, because It feels like a weight was lifted off your chest, being able to finally enjoy just having her as a best friend for once and nothing more.

You really did miss her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cronus runs into Feferi and finds out Eridan's been chatting up Damara's little sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally going to have Eridan and Aradia in it, but I decided to split it up into two because it was too long. So yeah. Sorry for the lack of Eriara, my friends. Next chapter, I promise.

“Was it good for you? ‘Cause it was _great_ for me,” you practically purr and scoot over, pressing yourself up against Damara’s side. She ignores you and leans over to grab your jeans from the floor, shuffling around in the pockets until she finds your almost-full pack of Marlboros and shakes one out. She lights it up and takes a drag, blowing a cloud of smoke right in your face that sends you into a coughing fit as you struggle not to wave it away.

"あなたは悪い少年のための下手な言い訳です。" She stands and throws your balled up Levi’s at you a little too hard. You don’t even complain since you’re busy staring at her tits, which you’ve become very acquainted with over the past four or five years.

“Is that a yes or a no? You know I can’t understand a word you’re saying, kitten.”

"あなたのコックがあまり良くなかった場合、私はあなたと私の時間を無駄にされないであろう。"

You get up and follow her into the living room while simultaneously putting on your pants, completely forgetting about your underwear. “I’m going to assume that was a yes just now.”

She turns around to blow another mouthful of smoke in your direction but you manage to duck and dodge the assault. You shoot her a smooth smirk and she replies with a deadpan expression and two middle fingers.

“Yeah, so listen—I was thinking that maybe we should go out sometime. Make this thing between us official,” You fix your hair in a nearby mirror, doing your best to sound as flippant as possible. “I’d say next weekend but my schedule is _crazy_ booked with gigs and whatnot, so how about tonight after you come watch my set down at the Social?”

She discards the rest of the cigarette in her kitchenette trash and lights up one of her own joints instead, paying no mind to what you’ve got to offer. “I mean, I could really care less to tell you the truth, but it’s just—hey, are you listening?—it’s just that we’ve been doing this for so long that I don’t even know why we’re _not_ an item, so we might as well just get it over with and seal the deal right?” you continue and then add with a laugh, “Besides, let’s be honest here—it’s not like either of us is seeing anyone else.”

"これは真実ではありません。私はRufiohしばしば性交。実際に、私は今夜彼をクソになります。"

“What about Rufioh?”

“No.”

You blink. “That is literally the only thing you say that I can actually understand.”

“You, out. Now,” she demands and grabs you by the wrist, dragging you towards the front door. You’re barely able to pick up your boots and squeeze out a snarky line about how _that’s_ a new one you haven’t heard before she’s throwing you out on her porch sans-shirt and locking the door in your face.

“You could’ve at least told me if I was good or not!” you shout and and wait to see if she’d come back. She doesn’t, so you look around to make sure none of her neighbors are outside before you give her doorframe an annoyed kick and take the stairs.

It’s when you’re about to jump from the last step that you hear a door creak open behind you and the sound of a plastic bag whirring through the air. You make the mistake of looking back, only to be clocked in the head with your t-shirt and the things you’d purchased before stopping over at Damara’s apartment.

Your name is Cronus Ampora, and that’s really all there is to say on that matter.

“What a bitch,” you grumble and collect your things from the ground, dusting your shirt off before putting it on and starting off down the sidewalk towards towards home. You should’ve known that you wouldn’t get anywhere with Damara, seeing as how this happens _every single time_ you drop the date bomb on her. You often wonder why you even bother with her anymore until you remember that she’s the only woman in town who will willingly sleep with you, albeit on her own terms.

Porrim humored you once or twice, but no more than that. Back in Junior year of high school she wanted to ‘make sure’ she was a lesbian, and it turned out that after two romps in the sack with yours truly, she was indeed one-hundred percent not interested in dick—at least, not yours. Rumor has it that she’d been with plenty of men since then, but you never have the guts to bring it up during the off-occasion that she puts up with you hanging around her apartment and asking for advice.

This is the epitome of female interest you’ve got going for you aside from Damara’s once-in-a-while booty call and it _really fucking sucks,_ because lately this dark sense of loneliness has been following you around like a storm cloud that won't go away and it’s beginning to take it’s toll. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you’re almost through with being twenty-two and everyone you’ve grown up with already has their shit together and special people who care about them in their lives while you’re stuck flailing miserably in a lake made up of your own failures, but you’d rather not think about it and just assume that, this too, shall pass.

Still—it’s nice to get some attention every now and then, and at this point you’ll take whatever you can get from whoever is willing to give it... hell, even from your own father, who isn’t exactly your number one fan, seeing as he hasn’t wished you a happy birthday in over three years or how he only calls to get ahold of Eridan when he isn’t answering his own phone. It hurts, but you’re not about to go and whine about it. You’d made your bed when you moved out in a fit of teenage fury and now you’ve got to sleep in it. Besides, you’re far too stubborn to apologize.

To be fair, it’s not like Eridan is his favorite, either; he just prefers him since he’s apparently _cut out_ to more-or-less run his business, unlike you who’d managed to do over thirty five-hundred dollars worth of damage to the company when he left it in your hands for a single afternoon at the age of sixteen. In your defense, he should have known better than to leave you alone with such heavy machinery, despite the fact it was your part-time job and you dealt with it all the time, but you’ve come to accept that if your head hadn’t been so far up your own ass and if you weren’t so worried about chasing your best friend’s girl and trying to impress people, then nothing would have happened and you’d probably still be down in the boatyard testing ship propellers.

Sometimes you wish that you could take back the last ten years of your life and start over as a teenager again.

You wrap your arms around yourself when a gust of cool wind distracts you from your thoughts long enough to realize you’d been walking in the wrong direction this whole time. You don’t even get mad about it; just sigh and kick a few pebbles before turning down a sidestreet, deciding to take a different route home for a change of scenery.

“I dunno. I don’t really have the money for that right now.”

“I can take care of it!”

“No, I don’t want you having to pay for me, okay? This is starting to get ridiculous. I should be doing this shit for _you._ ”

“You _know_ I don’t care about those things—”

“I know, but... look, give me until next Friday and I’ll have enough to go, alright?”

There’s a couple waiting at the crosswalk down the road; some tall gangly guy with bad posture and a girl wearing a brimmed straw hat with flowing long black hair who barely came up to his shoulder in height. The first thing that goes through your mind isn’t the fact that this girl may very well be his girlfriend, but actually what the odds are of you catching her eye and possibly even getting a number, despite not even having a clue what she actually looks like since her back is turned to you but _who cares—_ it’s all in the name of fun, and you could use a bit of a pick-me-up after getting sacked by Damara.

You check your reflection in a shop window before deciding that you look fine and tap out a cigarette, balancing it between two fingers as you stride on over. Time to put one of the oldest tricks in the book to use.

“Excuse me, miss? I don’t mean to bother you, but is there any chance that—” She turns around right when you’re about to ask for a light and catches you off guard. You almost drop the cigarette. “Feferi?”

The guy standing next to her turns to look at you, but he doesn’t say anything. She’s wearing a pair of Wayfarer’s so it’s a little hard to read her expression, but you can see her brows knit together in confusion behind them. “I’m sorry, do I know you?”

You’re not entirely sure how to answer that. “Um, I think so?”

When she lifts her sunglasses up and rests them on her head, you have to do all that you can in your power not to whistle and go red in the face.

“Oh—!” she gasps after a second or two, her brows rising in amusement and a smile spreading across her lips. “Wow, I’m so sorry—I didn’t recognize you!”

“Yeah well, it’s been a while so I guess I can’t really blame you,” you say with a bit of a nervous chuckle, unable to tear your eyes away from here. You’ve always liked Feferi, but not in _that_ way. Eridan never gave you much of a chance to, what with how he’d strive to keep you as far away as possible whenever she came around. Not to mention the fact you’d always been far too hung up on the older Peixes, but still—you can’t help but notice that Feferi had really filled out since the last time you’d gotten a good look at her, and you manage to simply compliment her with, “You look really nice, by the way,” instead of, “Wow—did your boobs get bigger?” It doesn’t stop you from wondering and stealing glances, though.

Eridan would probably kill you if he were here right now.

“Thanks! You look good, too,” She reaches out to pat your bicep and you flex just the slightest bit. “Jeez, I don’t remember your arms being this big. You’ve been working out, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, something like that,” Even though you brush it off as nothing, you’re silently thanking the heavens that someone has finally noticed; it seems that all those grueling hours spent lugging around your music equipment and at the gym have finally paid off.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” she says, looking down at the cigarette that you’d forgotten you were still holding. You nod and tuck it behind your ear for later. “Do you have any idea how bad smoking is for you?”

You actually _do_ have a pretty good idea, but she doesn’t need to know that. “Eh, I’ll be fine. I smoke all the time—almost a pack a day and I’m healthy as an ox,” you lie and give your chest a few beats with a fist. She frowns, unhappy with your answer. You can tell she wants to discuss the issue further but doesn’t want to cause problems, and you begin to regret even having the cigarette on your person.

“Well, how’ve you been?”

“I’ve been good. Works been steady and I’ve been playing a lot of shows lately,” You shrug and then add in as nonchalantly as possible, “I’ve actually been looking to land a record deal but I haven’t found an agent yet. Figure it’s just ‘cause I’m too progressive and fresh, you know? They’re probably worried I’ll show up the rest of the musicians they’ve got on their label and put ‘em out of business.”

“That’s great, Cronus!” Feferi gushes and clasps her hands together in excitement. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you play before—you should invite me to your next show; I’d love to see it!”

Any confidence that you’d somehow managed to scrape together drains immediately at her suggestion. For some reason you find yourself unable to even mention the set that you’ll be playing later on tonight, let alone how you’d love to see her come out and watch, so you’re stuck opening and closing your mouth repeatedly while just standing there until you can finally figure out how to say, “Yeah, for sure, that sounds great.”

“By the way; is Eridan alright? I haven’t heard from him in a few days and I’m starting to get a little worried.”

You scoff. “He’s fine. Been glued to his phone and that damn computer a lot more for some reason but yeah, he’s alright.”

“Well you know, he’s probably just talking to his girlfriend.”

“His _what? Girlfriend?”_

Feferi’s cheerful expression fades and she bites her lip in worry as if she’d just said something she shouldn’t have. “Oh—Eridan hasn’t told you about her, has he?”

“No? He hasn’t told me a damn thing,” This is definitely the first time you’re hearing about this and you’re not exactly sure what to do with this newfound information. “You’re not just pulling my leg here, are you? He’s really got himself a girl?”

“Who’s this douchebag?” the guy next to her finally interrupts. He’s got a bit of a gnarly lisp going on, but it’s nothing that you can’t easily understand; after all, you used to be best friends with one of the lispiest kids on the block.

“Be nice, Sollux!” Feferi nudges him in the side. “Don’t mind him; he’s just a little grumpy since I won’t tell him who it is that Eridan’s been talking to.”

“Sollux?” Huh, that name sounds familiar. He blinks boredly at you with his heterochromatic eyes and it suddenly clicks. “Wait a minute—you’re Captor’s little brother, ain’t you?”

“You mean _Mituna._ ”

You crack a wide grin and practically cackle. “Sheesh, I haven’t seen you since you were in diapers, kid!” You give him another look over and let out a whistle. “Can’t believe how much like him you turned out to look—I mean, a little on the skinnier side, but still. Wow.”

His brows bunch together and his lips pull back into a look of disgust. “Jesus Christ, you’re ED’s older bro,” You nod, glad to know someone remembers who you are. “I wasn’t in diapers at thirteen, you fucking moron. God, how are you even still a thing that exists?”

“It was a figure of speech. I tend to use those a lot, being an artist and all. Sorry if I’m a little hard to understand sometimes; it’s just tough being so original.”

“Oh, come on. You’re about as original as that shitty ass dye job,” he snorts. “You probably don’t even remember what your natural hair color _is,_ you’ve been covering it up for so long.”

“Huh?” Feferi scrunches up her nose in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Really, FF? You’ve known this loser for _how long_ and you don’t even know how fake he is?” He raises a brow at her in disbelief. Neither you nor Feferi inform him of the fact that even though the two of you have known each other for most of your lives, Eridan pretty much bogarted all of her attention to the point that you’d probably only ever spent a collective three hours actually socialising with each other. Hell, you can’t even recall ever having made a _pass_ at her before. “How do you not know he’s a fucking—”

You cut him off before he can finish the sentence. “how’s he been doing, by the way? Mituna, I mean.”

Sollux crosses his arms over his chest and takes a moment to look you up and down suspiciously before answering. “He’s okay. LT actually managed to get him sponsored by a local skate shop around here a couple months ago. Probably bribed them, but who the fuck cares,” He shrugs.

“We threw a huge party for him!” Feferi chips in.

You nod. “Huh. Well, I wish someone would’ve told me about it so I could’ve dropped by.”

“Yeah, well MT probably wouldn’t of been too keen on having a backstabbing asshole of an ex-best friend there, so maybe it’s a good thing that you didn’t.”

The three of you fall silent, letting his words just hang there out in the open. Feferi looks a bit uncomfortable and you wonder if he ever told her that story. You hope he didn’t.

Sollux is staring at you, waiting for you to say something, but you don’t want to open up that can of worms right now; you’re not really one for confrontation anymore, been trying to calm down as of late, and you’d much rather not bring up old drama—especially not in front of Feferi.

“Well it’s been nice seeing you guys and everything, but I’ve got to go. I’ll see you two around, alright? Take care,” you tell them and lift the hand holding the bag to give a small wave, but it rips and spills the contents out onto the concrete; a box of hair dye and a few magazines. Your stomach sinks when you notice Feferi curiously eyeing everything and you scramble to pick it all up before either of them have a chance to see too much. Sollux just shakes his head.

“You’re pathetic,” he spits.

But you’re already halfway across the street, pretending as if you couldn’t hear him.

 

* * *

 

Eridan is gone when you get home, and for some reason his office door is unlocked and the lights are on. He usually keeps the place closed up pretty tight when he’s not around, something about keeping you out of Dad’s business files or whatever, but you really couldn’t care less about that shit; especially not right now.

You drop the bag onto the couch and make a beeline for Eridan’s computer, shoving heaps of paperwork out of the way of the keyboard and making yourself comfortable. You’re surprised to find that not only was his office unlocked, but also that he didn’t have a password set to log in. You almost decide to leave and go for the computer in his bedroom because you know your brother—Eridan’s a very private guy, and if there’s something he’s staying quiet about then he’d do all that he can to keep it a secret. You don’t though, because you know for a fact that he spends the majority of his time in _this_ room on _this_ computer, so it’s at least worth looking... after you leave a sticky-note telling him that his desktop background is lame as fuck.

Judging by the illuminated icons in the taskbar, it turns out that he already had a few recently-used programs open, leading you to believe that he must’ve been planning on returning soon. You bring up the minimized browser window and hope that you can get out before he comes back.

You groan. “Twelve tabs? Seriously?” You’d almost think he was watching porn or something if most of the tabs didn’t consist of titles such as **DSINDUSTRIES.PDF;** **HOW TO YELL AT EMPLOYEES WITHOUT GETTING SUED - GOOGLE SEARCH;** **MEN’S APPAREL | BANANA REPUBLIC;** and **WAS HITLER REALLY THAT BAD OF A GUY? - YAHOO!ANSWERS**. You cringe at the last one. Sometimes you worry about your little brother.

There’s one tab in specific that catches your attention among the rest of them; **OKCUPID | CONVERSATION WITH APOCOLYPSEARISEN**. Curiosity piqued, you click on it, only to find that you’ve apparently hit the jackpot. There’s a flood of messages going back and forth between some caligulasAquarium and apocolypseArisen, and by the way the first one types, it doesn’t exactly take a rocket scientist to figure out that that is definitely Eridan.

“Holy shit,” You scroll up and down experimentally, astonished to see the conversations dating at least back to June. The most recent messages were from about a half hour before you got home.

CA: this is dumb  
CA: wwhy are wwe wwatchin this movvie  
AA: hey dont blame me youre the one who suggested it  
CA: still youre the one wwho agreed to it so its mostly your fault  
AA: oh dont even try it!  
AA: here  
AA: how about we just find something else to watch  
CA: i dunno im startin to think these online movvie dates are really fuckin stupid  
CA: i mean dont you feel a little lame for doin this cause i sure as hell do  
AA: a little but i actually really do like them!  
CA: huh really  
AA: yup  
AA: especially reading your occasional witty yet completely unnecessary inputs  
CA: wwell i guess it wwouldnt hurt to find another movvie i suppose  
CA: somethin a little less cheerful an more gory perhaps like a zombie film  
AA: ooh that sounds perfect!  
CA: alright wwonderful  
CA: can wwe wwatch it in like twenty minutes though cause i gotta make a run first  
AA: sure ill be here 0u0  
CA: that fuckin face i swwear  
AA: <3  
CA: <3 <3

You’re disappointed to see that whoever it is Eridan’s been talking to doesn’t have a photo of themselves uploaded for their account icon so you don’t even bother checking out their profile. Instead, you scroll up a little more and scan over some older conversations by a few days until there’s a _ping,_ letting you know that you, or Eridan, had received a new message.

AA: hey its been almost an hour are you back yet?  
AA: i hope everything is okay

You smirk.

How could you possibly pass up an opportunity like this?

CA: vwhoa, sorry about disappearing like that, doll. traffic vwas a little heawvy.  
AA: there you are!  
CA: yes. here i am.  
AA: 0_0  
AA: are you okay?  
CA: of course im okay. vwhy vwouldnt i be?  
AA: its just that youre typing kind of weird  
CA: am i?  
AA: yes  
CA: howv do you mean?  
AA: its almost like i can actually understand your tone a lot better now surprisingly  
CA: vwell vwhat are you complaining about, then? thats a good thing, isnt it?  
AA: i guess  
AA: its just a little strange!  
CA: relax, youll get used to it.  
AA: alright  
AA: so are you ready for the movie?  
AA: I found one i think we would both like  
CA: oh a movwie, huh? vwhat do you say vwe do that later.  
AA: um okay  
AA: did you have something else in mind?  
CA: vwell nowv that you mention it, i certainly do.  
CA: howvs about you send me a picture or twvo of that pretty face of yours?  
AA: haha you sound so weird right now!  
CA: so...  
AA: i sent you some pictures the other day remember?  
CA: awvwvwv cmon. please? just one?  
AA: okay okay fine  
AA: ill be right back  
CA: and ill be right here.   
AA: 44038501.jpeg

_Whoa._

“Cro! What the hell do you think you’re doin’!”

Eridan is at your side in less than a second flat, trying to snatch the mouse out of your grip and attempting to hide the picture of the dark-haired girl who looked more than familiar to you behind a text document. You hadn’t even heard him come in.

“You’ve been talking to Damara’s little sister? Really?” You hold the mouse out of reach and swat his hand with a pen when he tries to pound aimlessly on the keyboard. He yelps in surprise and yanks it to his chest for a moment before trying again. You swat him harder this time. “I can’t believe it. How come you haven’t told me about this!”

“Because it ain’t none a’ your damn business!”

“Oh, I dunno about that, Dannyboy. Damara and I are pretty close and all, so I’m thinking it’s definitely my business to know that you’ve been chatting up her little sis on the sly. Seriously, what gives?”

“Don’t fuckin’ call me that!” he shouts and punches you in the arm hard enough that it’ll probably bruise later. You stand up and give him a shove to the chest, forcing him down onto the couch against the wall.

“That was really fucking unnecessary, Eridan,” You take a few deep breathes and attempt to keep your calm. “I was just asking you a question; there’s no need to get physical.”

Eridan just shrugs and rubs his chest, refusing to make eye-contact. “You’re an asshole.”

Your shoulders drop. It’s nothing you haven’t heard before, but it still stings. “Yeah, well... you shouldn’t of hit me.” You really hate it when he doesn’t fight back—it makes you feel like shit. Probably because you know there’s something wrong if he doesn’t even make an attempt to defend himself when any other time he’ll practically jump at the opportunity of the both of you beating the shit out of each other with a temper like his. “Now are you gonna tell me what the hell is going on or what?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Why not?”

“Because I said so!”

You take a seat next on the other end of the couch and turn to face him, keeping a bit of distance. He may be smaller than you, but you know firsthand that he can easily come out on top in a fight, and the last thing you want is for him to pull a bait and switch move when you’re about to let your guard down and play the not-so-shitty big brother card.

“C’mon, Eri. Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

He scrunches up his nose. “You smell like a fuckin’ cigarette. Have you been smokin’?”

You sigh. “We’ve talked about this like a billion times already. How do you not remember that, yes, Eridan, I do smoke?” Except not really. On the the way home you’d forced yourself to smoke a cigarette to help calm your nerves, but you’re pretty sure all that it did was give you bad breath and a bit of a headache because it sure as hell didn’t do anything else. Maybe you just need to keep smoking until you get used to it. You think you read about it working like that somewhere.

“I think you’re full a’ shit.”

“What you think doesn’t matter,” You scoot a little closer once you decide there’s no need to worry about him flipping his script. “So... how about them Megido’s, eh?”

_”Cro—”_

“What, I just wanna know how you managed to get the girl!” You put your hands up in mock-surrender. “They’re not easy ones to bag, you know? Damara’s a real tough cookie, and I just never took the younger one for being into someone like, well, to put it nicely, _you_.

Eridan groans, drops his face into his hands and mumbles something that you can’t understand.

“Speak up, chief. I can’t hear you.”

“I said, that’s ‘cause she don’t know it’s me,” he repeats. You’re about to ask him what on Earth he’s talking about, but he beats you to it. “She doesn’t have a fuckin’ clue who she’s actually talkin’ to, thinks I’m some fictional made-up guy who’s a friend a mine. _Now will you leave me the hell alone?”_

“Oh,” You weren’t expecting that. That’s a little heavy, even for your standards of how far you’d be willing to go in order to talk to a girl, but it’s not like you’re totally against it or anything. “So uh, who knows about this besides me?”

Eridan chews on his lip for a second before answering, “Nobody.”

“Nobody?”

_“Nobody.”_

“Not even Damara?”

“Are you out of your mind? Especially not that batshit insane woman!” he shouts. “Look, okay, the only person who knows what’s really goin’ on is Fef, an’ I’m already nervous as all hell about her spillin’ the beans.”

You hum in acknowledgement and recall running into her earlier. It’s probably best not to mention that happening. “Okay then,” You give him a brotherly slap on the back. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

“What? Really?”

“Of course,” You nod. “My lips are sealed.”

He narrows his eyes at you in disbelief. “I don’t believe you—what the hell are you anglin’ at?”

You laugh and wrap an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in close. “C’mon now, it’s me! Your brother!” You exclaim with a toothy grin and give him a shake. “You can’t possibly believe I’d out you like that, do you?” Well you would, but you’re not going to. This is clearly something important to him and you really do love Eridan, so you’ll keep your mouth shut... unless, of course, it comes in handy for leverage to get something you want in the future.

He’s a little hesitant at first, but eventually you can feel the tension drain from his body and he nods. “Yeah, alright. I guess,” He pulls out of your grasp and bumps into the bag you’d left there earlier. He furrows his brows and shuffles through it’s contents, pulling out the magazines. “I didn’t know people still bought these things when they can just watch porn online.”

“It’s nice to mix things up a bit once in awhile,” you tell him and snatch them out of his hands. Something slides out from between the small stack and flutters to the floor; the lone comic you’d gotten up while you were out. Eridan picks it up and eyes it warily.

_”Books of Magic Volume 3: The Land of Summer’s Twilight?”_

“It’s a really good series,” you snap defensively and try to grab it, but he holds it out of reach. Seems that now it’s his turn to torment _you_. “It’s about this kid who’s a sorcerer, kinda like Harry Potter. I’ve been trying to keep up with it in-between reading Iron Man.”

“Magic ain’t real,” he sneers, but flips through the book anyways.

You and Eridan used to love the shit out of magic when you were little kids, and maybe you sort of still do, although now you’re a lot more apprehensive about discussing your shared interest in it; Eridan more so than yourself.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still enjoy it though, right?”

He thinks about this but doesn’t say anything.

When you notice it’s almost time for you to go play at the Social, you end up leaving him alone with his nose buried in the comic and his top secret girlfriend probably wondering what the hell happened to him again.


End file.
